Chapter eleven

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A/N: Another update in the same week? Who is she? Lol Thanks to all you babes commenting and voting on the last chapter just made me super motivated to update this again <3 I would like to dedicate this chapter to Asking4AHorizon & queenofrising because they requested cute little fluff scenes for Josh and Oli to share and I just hope this is fluff enough for yous 💕💕

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Oli's POV


The lamp sat upon the bed side table set a dim glow to the room as I lay and watch my sunshine sleep peacefully beside me. I lightly comb my fingers through his long hair scooping it out of his face so I could admire his beautiful features as I lay beside him. During my time in rehab sleep still didn't improve for me, I still found it difficult to shut off my mind and actually let sleep take me away on some irresistible cloud. Besides, how could I possibly sleep when I was lying in bed with my beloved sunshine? No words could explain the feeling I have inside of me knowing I have him by my side again breathing healthily. It was a damn miracle that this is reality right now and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

It was 3am roughly as the two of us stayed up talking for a long while. There was so much for us to catch up on sleep was literally the last thing on our minds. Emotions were a mixture of excitement and nerves but I think we found a comfortable balance in between for us to feel comfortable with. It was mostly me trying to open up to him a little more and explaining truthfully how hard my recovery was in rehab. He was very understanding as I tried to explain my withdrawals, detoxing the poison out of my body and the attempts of relapsing were extremely horrible to go through.

Josh noticed I was becoming a bit overwhelmed by it all and he thankfully changed the subject, taking the pressure off me. He spoke about Sonny a lot, our son who was now the centre of his world. It sounds scary when it's put into context like that but I hope I can connect with him the same way Josh has one day and I don't make Sonny grow up hating me.

Josh fought to stay awake, he really did poor thing, but the tiredness over took him and sent him in a world of slumber. At first I was extremely anxious seeing him asleep, blame it on my paranoia but seeing his eyes closed and non moving limbs brought back horrible flashbacks from when he was back in a coma. I greatly fear that he wouldn't wake up again but the dark circles which sat under Josh's eyes assured me that he hasn't been sleeping much, probably not a decent night sleep in weeks and so, I didn't have the heart to keep him awake when I could see he desperately needed rest.

It's not like he's got an oxygen mask strapped around his face to help him breathe as he lays unresponsive, like he did before. He was more comfortable, relaxed even lying on his stomach with his arms tucked up under the pillow with his face half buried into the feathered bedding. He was peaceful and breathing lightly which set my anxiety at some ease at least.

I secretly really wanted to snuggle up to Josh and hold him in my arms all night but the baby was placed in between us making it difficult for me to reach out and shower him in my lovingly affection like I wanted. Our hands were intertwined together though and I crossed my leg over his just so we could have some sort of well needed contact as I lay on my side. I crave his touch more than anything but I'm nervous to even so much as try and hug him because I don't want to freak him out... I know he's been through hell and back because of me and I'm incredibly nervous if I might accidentally go too far.

I close my eyes, sighing sadly to myself. I so desperately wanted things to work out between us. A part of me is afraid that it will be tougher than either of us thinks, but I'm willing to take that challenge. I have to. I love him so much, I'll literally do anything for him to keep our relationship alive. I just hope me becoming clean was the best option for both of us, my insecurities are getting the best of me.

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