Inside kill

Knowing you

I was sitting today in front of the TV looking for a good movie on Netflix. I kept scrolling and scrolling hoping I'll find something worthy of losing some time. Nothing. Since February this year everyone is sitting home in front of the TV because of the lockdown. Like everyone else, I watched everything you could see on Netflix. So I make a stupid decision. I look for the series that messed me all up back in the high school. Yeah... so I start the first season of TVD bringing all those memories back in the light. All the struggles the past 6 years trying to bury her image for ever, are in vain.
Suddenly I'm back in high school back in 2015 in my senior year, in the very first day of school. The school yard is full of colleges and "fresh meat". I stay on the street looking at the building and realising that, this is the last year of fun and I have to make it count. I'm going to give it all. I meet some friends on my to the class, talk a little and lately finally find myself in the class with all my colleagues. We smile at each other and ask ourselves how the summer was.
While I was talking with Bog, chills started driving down on my back. She touched my neck with her nails. She remembered how much I hated when she did that. So I turn around ready to yell at her, but I can't. She was different from the last time we saw each other. Were only three months since then, but she was so much more then before. I never saw a girl as beautiful as she was. I like her before too, but this time she left me speechless. The spark in her dark eyes, the little sweet nose, her rose coloured lips curved in that beautiful smile... Jeez... I hug her asking how is she, but feeling the touch of her fragile body and the perfume of her hair smelling like the summer makes me forget to let her go. She asks me if I'm ok, so I realise what I'm doing so I finally let her go and apologise. I look at her and acknowledge that this year might not go as planned with straight As.
The first class begins and all I can think about is how to take her out for a date. I plan in my head every single move and let the movie roll. I don't understand why I am suddenly so attracted to her. I know her 3 years now. We've been in the same class all these years. We've made our homework sometimes together. We worked on projects, but I never saw her this way. Even if between us are two lines of students, it feels like there wouldn't be anything or anyone else in that classroom. I feel so attracted to her like I'd be flying on the event horizon of a black hole. She feels being watched and starts looking over in the class when our eyes meet. I feel how my face is burning and turn my back in a second to her.《Jeez... I hope she didn't notice I was looking. 》
The class ends and I walk to the window. Looking into nowhere I feel a touch on my back. With a smile on my face I turn around hoping that she is there. Unfortunately not. It's Ry, the crazy girl from the front of the class. Her style has a bit of goth and K-Pop mixed. She's kinda funny and she can make anyone laugh or cry, depending on what's going through her head. I'm looking her in the eyes and ask what she wants. With big puppy eyes she tells me that she has been having a crush on me since last year and I should be careful how I behave around her. I started laughing and when I realize that she's for real, I'm stunned. I don't know what to say. I never saw her that way. She is a very good friend to have. She's fun and stuff, but not my type. So I tell her the truth. I won't ever forget the way she looked at me in that moment. If I only knew what she was going to do after...
The brake is over and I decide to move with another colleague for the next class behind her. I execute my plan boldly and make myself in the best place on earth. Sitting there she comes inside the classroom passing by and bewitching me with her perfume. God... if I only knew what she was wearing. She takes a seat without noticing I'm there.
Days pass by and all I can do is saying《Hi!》to her. It's so frustrating. Every morning on the way to school I tell myself 《 Today I'm going to ask her out. It has to happen today.》and every afternoon on my way back home I tell myself 《 tomorrow maybe... 》
One day we realize there is nothing school-ish to prepare for the rest of the week so we decide to spend some time together. We decide to meet in the library of the city, since in the middle of the day there is nobody else and we can have a bit of cit-chat together. There's 7 of us gathered together back in a corner of the library, on the floor talking. Seeing her so close and without her knowing what I feel about her, its kinda funny but hard at the same time.
Meeting in the library with the group became tradition. Every day 13:30-15:30 back in the corner of the city library. It was really nice chilling there with friends and having a good time all together. Besides that was the only time I could be in front of her, looking at her and admiring her beauty without her noticing.
On a Friday I finally decide to ask her out. But I had a problem. Till that moment I never kissed a girl. I wanted to be perfect for her, so I asked my best friend for advice since he was dating every week someone else, i knew he had experience in this area. So after he had his laugh about me, he accepted the challenge and taught me the secrets. We had a lot of fun together.
I called her and asked what is she up to. She tells me that for now she has no plans but she doesn't want to go home either. So I take deep breath and tell her that I'd have something to say and I'd really like if we walked together to the park. She accepted.
Perfect. Now all I have to do, is to apply what I learned from my buddy.
We walk to the park, and I start getting really nervous thinking about how should I tell her. I repeat a couple of times in my head the steps I have to do and after 10 min of repeating my mind goes blank. I have no idea what to say or what to do. We sit on a bench and start talking nonsense. She feels what I wanna say and starts teasing me making me even more nervous. I feel my hand shaking and I tell her that I can't somehow express myself.

To be continued...