Vent Book (ig)

The Full Truth

Fun fact! From what you've a just saw, you can tell I'm depressed...a lot. And I'm sorry that I broke my promise...to a lot of people. I didn't mean to..but everything I'm about to say will hopefully explain my actions. So please read until the end if you're a true friend...

The reason why I cut? It's so that I can feel better. So I can ignore the world around me. So that I don't have to pay attention or listen to anything. Sounds crazy, right?

I haven't had sleep for over 2 weeks. And I feel like I'm going insane. But very slowly...I don't even know what I'm doing or what I'm saying anymore! Is this a dream? I sure wish it was.

I'm starving myself...or more like I just don't feel hungry. I haven't eaten in so long...and for a 12 about to be 13 year old, I don't think my weight is healthy. I weigh 97 pounds or less...and my parents don't even notice. They stay upstairs while I'm down here. They don't ever notice because they're either watching TV or playing on their phones. Yet they always ask me to make them food...

I feel sorta weak. I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I'm just tired. I can't. Lying is killing me. So I'll try to tell the truth from now on, guys. Please forgive me for everything.

I'm ignored. They don't notice me.

I feel so lonely. Even thought all of you tell em that you're here and that you'll always be willing to talk about anything..I still feel...lost..

I'm empty. Me and my gf may break up.. although that may be for the best. And it just pains me. But it's called moving on. I tried calling her earlier..yet she still didn't answer me..like usual. I'm still thinking...

They don't care. They don't tell me anything. Not even when they leave. I'm alone most, no, wait, all of the time. Like today, I was in such a tired state, I wasn't paying attention to anything and just sat on the couch, staring at the floor. Later on, my stepdad texted me and asked if we had the certain things that we needed in the house. I found that weird, since he was upstairs himself. So why couldn't he just come down? I put my phone down and went upstairs to see why he had texted...he wasn't there.

Oh yeah...I have the Coronavirus. Yeah, it's not a big deal to me, but I know that it is to most or some of you. But I don't understand why. Although I might die from it, but other than that..I think I'm fine. I'm ok, and will try to stay that way. So please don't worry...

I feel like I made so many people run away..and I still take the blame. It's my fault most of my friends left me...I have such a bad attitude. And I'm sorry. I really don't know what I'm doing anymore...but I'm trying. It may not seem like it at all, but I'm trying my best in and for everything...

And last but not least...you guys. I don't get why, but you all care so much. And I thank you all. For all the love, support, and so on. Yeah, I feel like I made a lot of people run..and again, it's my fault. And I wish I could repay you all. I honestly don't know what to say. But I'd like to make it up to all of you, from the beginning up to now..you all are the best. I love you all, don't ever forget that. You all are like a family to me, even all of you whom I don't know! You all helped me from day one..and from this rant, you probably will help again..I just...I have no more words. I don't know what else to say..just...thank you...so, so, so much you guys...

Thank you...