Domestic Husbands

Chapter 2

*Callums POV*

I love this man, he has my whole god dam heart but I just can't do this anymore. I need to focus on myself. The old bill is the only place I have felt like myself since I was a kid. I mean, properly myself. Like this is the one thing, I will be good at and its not something I felt pressured to do from dad like joining the army. Gosh, I hated that. I just wanted to make him proud, wanted to prove I was straight, but now I know that he isn't worth it. Ben on the other hand, he's still trying to please Phil. He can't see that Phil is proud of him and that life isn't worth chasing after approval by our parents. He has Kathy and Jay and Lola and Lexi and currently me. Maybe not for long though if he continues like this. 

I have to tell him. I am trying my best but there is nothing I can do. It's completely down to him now. He needs to accept help from people. From doctors, from friends, family, me? I keep mentioning learning BSL but I know he is in denial. Heck even Lexi has stared to learn from Mr Tumble. Thankfully I knew a little from before I met him and its not like he's going to be better than me anytime soon! Until then I can secretly continue to learn it when the funeral parlour is quiet or when I have a spare few minutes, often while he's still in bed in the mornings or when he thinks i'm going 'out for a run'.  He thinks that this operation will work magic, he doesn't seem to think about the hard work he'll have to do after, the years of therapy, just to get slightly back to how he could hear before. And thats only if the operation works. 

I'm seriously worried about him but I literally can't be there for him anymore and its clear he doesn't want me to be. My love for him is not felt back and thats ok. Like yes, it will break my heart and it will be torture having to see him everyday around the square but I know I will get through it. I can stay in bed and eat ice cream, or I could go away for a while, stay at an old army mates. I won't have to think about him stealing cars or getting drunk just before his 5th hook up of the night.  I won't have to worry about him ruining my chances of passing the assessment for the old bill. My life will be stress free and normal. It will also be boring and quiet and grey and lonely. He causes me so much trouble but I love it. I love everything about him and I just don't know why he can't accept my love.