Domestic Husbands

Chapter 8

TW?

I don't know what's wrong with him. Eventually we got him to open the door enough for Stuart and I to squeeze in. I walked in first and just held him in my arms in the doorway. He had obviously been crying. After a while I had to back away. He was hugging me so tightly. Like he couldn't let go.

Callum: what? Is eveything ok?

Ben: that's what I should be asking you. Let's get inside. Want a beer?

Callum: *nods*

I hold his hand and walking him to the sofa, Stuart following behind. I then walk over to kitchen and pick up three beers before I walk over and sit next to Callum. Stuart seems to be taking to Callum. I'm assuming he is trying to get answers as to what the hell just happened.

Stuart: What happened Cal? You proper flipped out on me at the door. Like full 180.

Callum: Look it's nothing ok. Just you scared me.

Ben: What babe?

Callum: I just got a flashback that's all

Stuart: A flashback? Of what?

Callum: Keanu.

The room went silent for a moment. (Or did it? Jk I heard the silence!)

Ben: Sort of like a PTSD flashback?

Callum: Suppose you could call it that

Stuart: that's rubbish Cal. You didn't even have PSD when you got discharged from the army. How the hell could you have gotten it from Keanu. All he did was leave you in a warehouse.

Callum: ITS PTSD AND YES I DID. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, YOU WEREN'T EVEN HERE HALF THE TIME. *gets up and walks out*

I didn't fully get what Stuart said but Callum just got up and walked to the bedroom. He slammed the door and then it was awkward. Just Stuart and I in the living room in silence.  Neither of us spoke, we just sipped our beers until I finished mine. 

I went and knocked on the bedroom door. I didn't hear a response (obviously) and so I just waited a few seconds before I walked in.  He was sat at the end of the bed with a box of open letters next to him and tears in his eyes. They looked personal.

I went over to sit next to him and picked up one of the envelopes being careful not to read any of the actual letters. It had a stamp on the front telling me it was from the army. Maybe from a friend?

Callum: You can't look at these Ben. They're personal.

Ben: Ok. *I put the letter back exactly where I picked it up from*

Look, we need to talk babe.

Callum: can we talk about last night later?

Ben: no, not about that. About this. About tonight? What happened?

Callum: noth..

Ben:*cutting Callum up* you said PTSD. That is serious right?

Callum: well yeah kinda. It's not the first time tho. Don't worry.

Ben: what do you mean?

Callum: well you know when I came back. Just before you, Lola and Lexi moved.

Ben: *nods*

Callum: well I had been discharged from the army. Medical grounds. I got that shatnel in me right? You did know that didn't you?

Well when I was staying with Mick and Linda, I used to wake up at night next to Whit. I could hear the bombs and the screaming.

Ben: *pays more attention*

Callum: god the screaming was loud. I could see the faces.The ones we couldn't save. There was this one time, me and a couple others went to save a family. Mother and kids. We got the kids out safe but we couldn't save the mother. I saw them growing up without a mum. With anyone but each other in a war zone. They didn't deserve this. They didn't even know what was going on. I know I could have done more. If I just went in once more...

Ben:*cuts Callum off*  babe that wasn't your fault. You know the right? You saved the kids and that's amazing. You're a hero.

Callum: *looks away - nervous chuckle*

*Serious*
I was just doing my job. And not very well. The mother died Ben. Jason, my teammate, I made him go in. I could have gone but I told him to go first. You know what happened? HE LOST HIS LEGS BEN. AND ITS ALL MY FAULT.

You want to know what goes on in my head?
I still think of that family every day. Every time I see Lola with Lexi. I could have at least tried once more. I would have died but at least her family would have been safe.

I didn't know what to say. I just shuffled over to him and held him.  I had tears in my eyes.

Callum:*through tears* And now I have all the Keanu stuff too. What he did, the messed up s*** he did to me, I can't forget it. When Stuart came and stood behind me, it just made me remember Keanu. I couldn't breathe. I had to leave the situation at any cost. Flight or fight response. And I chose to run. I'm a wimp of a man. Not a proper man. Not the son my dad wanted.

Tonight wasn't the day to talk about us. All I knew was that I had to be there for him regardless. I could never break up with him over my own fears. Maybe this wouldn't be like me and Paul. Maybe I won't ruin this one.

We sat in each others arms for hours. I eventually saw him drift off and went to put the duvet over him before leaving him. I went to get a beer from the fridge and sat on the sofa on my phone. I had to Google more about PTSD and stuff like that. The only person I knew was Bobby. He had it after he killed Lucy, and who was the hero there, Callum.