Tumblr rants/blurbs I did

Part 12

I'm not quite sure when it started. When things started adding up. I did learn one thing though...always keep a list. If things start not feeling right having everything in order in front of you helps you keep track...helps you remember everything. They tell you people will 'gas light' you. But what is it called when you do it to yourself? I'm not sure but I know I do it. I used to not keep a list. I couldn't see what was in front of me half the time because I was blinded by what I thought was 'love'. Maybe I did love some of them. But I don't think they ever loved me. When I started keeping a list things became easier but....I also wonder if you're always tallying the things that you see wrong will it ever be right? Or maybe it's okay if the other person doesn't try to work on it when you point it out....when they don't take responsibility. The sick thing is...I don't wanna correct them when they say I'm the bad guy. In a twisted way...I always see myself as the villian no matter how untrue I know it is and how untrue that my friends say it is.