Tumblr rants/blurbs I did

Part 19

Alarm

Shower

Dress

Eat

Get ready

Leave

Play on phone or do art project

Eat

Play on phone or sing songs I don't care for

Go home

Hope to talk to friends

Try to fill the time till

It's time to sleep

And do it over, and over, and over

The days are marked school or weekends

The only days I remember being the bad interactions

Or the few times I leave the house

Is this all I'm destined to do?

Sit at school bored off my ass, trying to fill the time and not think

Or sit at home and talk to people who don't care that much, or the few people who actually care, and try to fill the time and not think

Fill the gaps with reading fanfiction, random videos, video games, coloring, music

Only remembering to eat on school days or when my stomach starts to hurt

Forgetting to go to the bathroom till it hurts

Only sleeping on time because I turn into a zombie if I break routine and people point it out

It's either that or think myself into crying or a panic attack right?

Fill the days with meaningless crap

Fill it all because if I look back I see it all

If I look forward I see myself doing the same thing

Over

And over

And over

I tell myself I'm only trying to survive this

That one day it won't be like this

But honestly

I feel like I'm wasting my life

I want to go do something

I want to go to arcades

I want to go to malls

I want to go bungee jumping

I want to see my boyfriend

I want to show him all the places I've been

I want to share all the foods I've tried with him

I feel so stuck

When we turned 18 we were supposed to be free right?

So tell me why I feel like nothings changed

I feel like I still have to follow my mom's advice

I feel like I'm still stuck in this damn house

I want to go do something stupid

I wanna drive to somewhere random

A small town with a diner that makes the best food that almost no one goes to and eat till I'm sick

A city where they have all the best items and fill the car with junk I don't need

A forest that no one has explored in ages with a little foot path, maybe I'll find another broke TV

I just want to feel alive again

I'm so sick of all this repitition

So sick of living in a blur

I just want this to be over

So how do I pull myself out