Tumblr rants/blurbs I did

Part 25

Imposter Syndrome

That word has been popping up a lot in the last two years

I guess with the pandemic everyone rushed to help people keep up their mental health

I see YouTubers and streamers talk about their Imposter Syndrome

And as I watch and listen I realized I have some of it too

But it didn't truly hit until I had come back to in person school after a year of online school

I sat there the first week, no the first quarter, hearing about a year I didn't have

The last time I sat in these desks had been Sophomore year cut short

My Junior year didn't exist to me

The more I went on I realized my brain had been blocking out that my Junior year just didn't happen

But hearing them talk about it sent that the idea that it did, that they had an entire year without me, flying at me

Hearing this made the idea that I had held on to for so long truly be put in a physical form

The entire world could go on without me

It took the whole semester to even feel like people cared that I was there, even longer to feel like my space at the desks wasn't just a waste

It doesn't help I don't really have friends to be glad I am back

That I will walk the stage at Graduation not missing anyone from my classes this year

I feel like a worthless speck at school most of the time

And worse when my TA class decides it's fun to mess with me and my stuff

I don't have any motivation to go to school even though there's only three more school weeks, 13 days

I just want to be done and leave

I feel like running to college, maybe feeling like I belong and people care about me again

I want real life friends again that I can meet up with whenever

But till then I have the rest of school

And an entire lonely summer to get through

I just hope it's worth it