Dolan Twins Imagines

42. Poems (E.D)

A/n: Hey guys, I'd just like to say that I'm so happy with this book, but I don't know if I want to continue writing or not. I'm not getting any inspiration with writing and when I do get an idea (which sometimes comes from another author) I try my best to make it as original as possible but giving the author credit for it. I wouldn't be able to even find the author's name sometimes because they would be really old and I wouldn't be able to find it or the book got deleted so I wouldn't be able to find the name of the book with the author either. I'm sorry that the book isn't great and doesn't let you send any requests or ideas but I promise you that I'm trying my entire best to write as well as possible and letting you get a little less bored with this book. I will try to write and post as much as possible during this quarantine, since I finished finals a few days ago. But it's still really hard to find ideas. 

I'm also working on a fiction book and I'm really proud of it, but I had a little bit of a writer's block with it so I don't know when it's going to be released but I hope you guys enjoy it. I'll let you guys know when it will be released. All chapters will be released on the same day, which is why it's taking me a while to write and finish the book. 

Also, warning: This chapter talks about depression, if you get triggered about this topic, please do not read it. The information that will be given about depression may not be as accurate as it really is in real life but I don't know much about it to be honest. I've done some research but I'm not diagnosed with it nor do I know anyone who does

Y/n's POV:

I was writing a few poems of what I was feeling at the moment. I got diagnosed with depression not so long ago, and whenever I feel alone and upset I write poems about my emotions.

Ethan, my boyfriend of 5 months, does know that I have depression, but he doesn't know that I write poems to soothe my emotions. 

Him and Grayson, his twin brother, know exactly what to do whenever I feel sad and depressed. Ethan always hugs me and reminds me of how worthy I am, and he always mentions how important I am to him and that he never had a girlfriend like me before

Grayson always makes me laugh, he would tickle me until I smile again and would get snacks for us. Both of them are great and I just love him with all of my heart. But, they just don't understand what it's like to be in a position like mine. I can't blame them, matter of fact, I wish their whole life they'd get to live in pure joy.

Ethan and Grayson went out to get some groceries. I told him that I wanted to stay home, which they accepted, for they understood that I just wanted to be alone.

I got my notebook where I write my poems and a pen, and just started writing with all of my heart.

It's a lot easier for me to explain how I feel when I write than when I talk. I guess it's because all of your thoughts are organized into paper, rather than between lips and getting them scattered.

Two hours of writing, and I wrote 6 poems. I wouldn't say that I had a favorite poem out of them, or that I was proud of all of the writings, but I at least was able to express myself through my writing.

Ethan's POV:

Grayson and I got home from the grocery store and needed to start unpacking our stuff, but we kind of needed more help from my beautiful girlfriend Y/n. So, I went upstairs to go and get her to help out a little bit

I go up to my bedroom door, where I knew she would be. I knock on the door before walking in, to not disturb her or walk in on her changing or something like that

"Baby, can I come in?" I asked

"Just a second!" she replied

I heard scurrying sounds, like she's trying to hide something from me, making me kind of anxious and worried

"Babe, are you okay?" I ask from behind the door

"Yeah, don't worry about it, just... seriously, don't worry about it!" she replied back

"Alright, sweetheart, I'm coming in" I said and opened the door

"No wai-" she said, but didn't finish cause I already saw her

She was holding on to a notebook of some sort

"Hey sweetie, what do you have in your hands?" I asked, she shook her head no, as if telling me she doesn't want to talk about it

"It's nothing baby, I promise" she replied

"Y/n you're acting kind of weird with this, is this a diary or something?" I asked. She sighed, feeling defeated that she cannot hide this anymore. It was silent for a bit so I gently took her arms and led her to the bed

"I'm not asking you to show me what's inside of this notebook, or for you to tell me the details. I just.. I'm worried. I know what you deal with, but I cannot understand the emotions you go through so it- it scares me, baby. I know this isn't something you want to hear, and I'm not saying that I doubt what you can and cannot handle. But, you're my girlfriend, the only woman I ever truly fell in love with and whenever you act like this, a part of me feels like I'm losing you, like I don't deserve you because I don't understand you." I said, tearing up a bit

"Oh, baby" she replied. She put her notebook down next to her and took my hands in hers, intertwining them and putting them together like puzzle pieces. "My handsome, incredible boy, there's nothing for you to worry about. I promise you I'm okay. This is just.. something that helps me cope with what I have. I'm here, you're here, we're both here together, in this very moment. And I promise you, baby, that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm sticking around with you for eternity so you better get used to it from now so that you don't get bored of me" I said and we both chuckle

"Baby, I can never get bored of you" he said, making me smile at him

I take in a deep breath and pull out the notebook again

"So... a way that helps me try to organize my emotions instead of letting them scatter around is to write poems of my feelings. I keep my poems in one notebook, kind of symbolizing my mind, I guess? If I need to organize my thoughts, why not organize what helps me organize them, you know? And I know you said you didn't want details, but I want you to read them. I'm not saying I'm good at writing poems or that I'm 'gifted' or 'talented' but it's soothing to me, to say the least" I tell him, giving him my notebook 

"Are you sure about this, love? If you don't want me to, that's okay, I promise you it's not an issue. I don't want you to feel pressured about it." he said, I nodded at him

"I'm sure, read as many as you'd like" I said. He takes the notebook from my hands and opens the first page. He looks back at me, silently making sure I want to do this, I nod. He smiles at me, kisses my cheek and starts reading the first poem

One poem led to two poems, two led to four, four led to eight, and eight led to the rest of the notebook 

"Are you okay there?" I asked him

"Baby.. this is.. absolutely beautiful" he tells me

"Really? You think so?" I ask

"Yes! I know they're your depressing emotions but they're so raw and really explains what you're dealing with on the daily basis. Baby, don't stop writing, this is explaining to me what you're going through" he tells me, making me thrilled that someone is understanding 

We both tear up, hug each other, and he pulls me in for a long-lasting, passionate kiss

He helped me cope for years, and I'm so glad someone finally understands what I deal with