Future Favorite Regret (Jalex)

13: Tearing Me Up Inside

Title: Hit The Lights (Tribute To A Night, I'll Never Forget) by All Time Low

"Alex, are you okay? You haven't said a thing all day," Jack whispers. I glance up at the clock. Five more minutes. 

A hand brushes up on my shoulder. Jack glares at Mr. Harris. 

"I heard you got in some trouble, Alex," Mr. Harris whispers. "Didn't realize you were a bad boy."

A chill goes down my spine and I sigh. "No, I was just trying to d-defend myself." I press my lips together. Three more minutes. 

"Mr. Harris, Alex looks uncomfortable, can you stop touching him?" Jack snaps. Mr. Harris gives Jack a glare.

He removes his hand anyway. "Doesn't seem like it's your business, Jack," he says, faking a smile. "If there's a problem, I'm sure Alex will say something, right?" He turns to look at me. 

"Y-yeah."

Mr. Harris smiles and walks away. 

"Alex, are you okay?" 

I turn away from him and set my stuff in my bag. 

Once the final bell rings, I run out of the school, not even waiting for Jack to finish packing up. I hear him and Rian shouting for me. 

I run home and slam the door behind me. I slide down to the floor, back against the wall. I bury my face into my knees. 

Breathe. God, I can't breathe. I need-

"Alex? Alex, open the door!" I hear someone hitting the door. Jack. "Lex, please, don't do this. I know you're here."

"Alex, come on, please," Rian speaks up. "Let's talk about it. We can try and help. 

"Either that, or we can just cry about whatever is going on in that head of yours," Tay suggests. "I'll make hot chocolate."

"Tay, it's late-summer," Rian points out. 

"Never too early for a comforting cup of hot chocolate," Tay says. I can practically hear her shrug. 

"Lex, please open the door," Jack says softly, his voice breaking slightly. "Please?"

I crawl away and click it open. Jack opens the door and rushes in first. He drops his bag and kneels next to me. He wraps his arms around me. 

"Thank fuck," Rian mumbles. Tay pulls out packets of hot chocolate. "Wait, why do you just have packets of instant hot chocolate?" Rian asks.

"Situations like this, obviously." Tay rolls her eyes. She walks to the kitchen. 

Jack finally pulls away. "Are you okay?" He whispers. "Did something else happen?" I shake my head. He sighs and turns me around so my back is against his chest. He crosses his legs and lets me sit on them. 

"Hot chocolate!" Tay says and hands everyone a mug. She sits down next to Rian. "So, did something else happen after this morning?"

I take a sip and smile. I lean back against Jack. "No, nothing happened it's just uh-" I set the mug down. "I've been holding it back all day, I guess."

Rian nods. "You could have said something during lunch, we would have helped you."

"You've dealt with enough," I mumble. Jack's arm tightens around me. I glance at him and he shakes his head. 

"No way. You've had to deal with this for what, years?" Jack whispers. "I want to help you- we want to help you."

I rest my head against Jack and close my eyes. "Thank you, all of you," I say. "It means a lot."

"Alright, can we stop being cheesy?" Tay chimes in. "I talked to Awsten, he says he's free on Saturday, who's house?"

"We can do mine," Jack says. "My parents aren't home so we don't have to deal with people telling us what to do."

"Alright, I'll ask my mom about it." Rian sets his empty mug down. He looks between Jack and I. He frowns slightly before looking back to Tay.

"Anyway, we should go, I have some video for history class, and I'm sure you guys have it too," Tay says, standing up.

"Wasn't that due today?" Rian asks.

"Yeah, that's why I'm doing it now, obviously." Tay rolls her eyes.  

Rian sighs and grabs her mug, taking it to the sink. "Thank's Ri!" Tay says before grabbing her bag. 

"Bye, people!" Rian says before grabbing his bag and following Tay out. I hear them laugh and Rian mockingly shouts. 

Jack buries his face into my neck. "I'm just glad you're okay. I was scared Trace did something to you because you weren't talking during lunch or art or free bell. Then you ran off... I was worried you might- I dunno. Do something."

I shake my head and turn my head, pressing my lips against his head. 

He lifts his head and smiles at me. "Where's your mom?" He asks. 

"She's probably on a day trip for work," I mumble. "I guess we're alone tonight." I glance at him.

He turns me around so I'm sitting with my side against his chest. I lean into him and he sighs. He wraps his arms around me. "So..." 

"So."

"Lex, I care about you, I just need you to know that. I'm here for you whether you need me or not." He takes a breath. "Alex... I think- I-" he sighs. "Nevermind."

"Jack, just say it," I say, moving to face him. 

He shakes his head. "It'll ruin stuff, I can't. Besides, I might be lying," he says. "But uh, how about we watch a movie?" 

~~~

I wake up and glance at the clock. I move slightly and see the clock. 3 am. I look and see Jack asleep, his arm around me. I smile and cuddle closer against him. He smiles and tightens his arm around me. 

"Did I wake you up?" I whisper. 

"Nope," he answers. "I was only half asleep." He opens his eyes and stares at me. "Why are you up? You were sleeping rather soundly."

"I dunno, I just woke up. You need to sleep, Jacky," I whisper. He nods and closes his eyes. "I'm sitting here wishing for something that's missing. I'm waiting for you to tell me that time keeps on passing," I sing softly. 

"Did you write that?" Jack whispers. 

"Yeah, now go to sleep."

"Not while you're serenading me with your beautiful voice," he mumbles.

"Oh shut up."