BLOOMING LOVE (JIKOOK)

13

Chapter: Twelve

PRESENT
JIMIN'S P.O.V
Lately I've been over thinking again, even though I hate it. I just can't help but think about it. I've not been myself lately. From what reason? First, well who else other than Jungkook. I don't think people understand how stressful it is to try and read him. I mean, at first, he would reject me and ignore me. However, when I decided to move on, he just suddenly pulled me back like he didn't want me to stop. Then now has become sweet, caring and protective over me, making me confused. Second, still related to Jungkook of course, fans keep shipping him with Taehyung. I don't have any problems with that though. The problem is that the fans, who passionately ship them together, hate me from intruding their Taekook moments. They say their shipper started hating me, when all I did was stand up and sit in my spot, and either Jungkook or Taehyung would come and bug me, wanting to play with me. Yet their shippers think differently, which I find to be weird. And third, I feel unwanted. I've been receiving harsh comments that I keep on ignoring, yet they still keep bugging me. It's really hard to ignore it fully, if I feel like they're true as well!

Just then a knock interrupt me from my thoughts soon heard a familiar voice. 
"Jimin-ah! It's hyung! Let's talk." He said in the softest way he could. I opened the door and let him. He looked at me, a bit weirded out. I just went back to my bed and watched him sit in front of me.
"Jimin, what's wrong with you?" He asked, but I stayed quiet, not wanting to respond. If I did, it would make it real, a fact I've been denying since it all started. 
"You're not yourself lately. You're not as bright as before. You don't hang out with us, wasn't attending practice, or even wouldn't be home some days without even telling us where you were. You don't even talk a single word, unlike before where you talked non-stop." He started, but I just ignored him. I felt guilt cut my already torn self-esteem. Each word felt like a stab to my heart. I was ignoring them for a selfish reason, and my family was hurting. This was my fault, but I still couldn't find it in me to speak.
"Tell me, please. What happened to you?" He pleaded softly, but I just kept my mouth shut. Frustration filled his eyes, but the rest of his body was calm and poised.
"For God Sake! PARK JIMIN! OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH! AND TALK TO ME!" He shouted in frustration, making me flinch a bit. Hyung was scary when he was angry. His anger caused my breath to quicken and I tried to form words quickly, but I could barely choke them out.
"I-i--" I stuttered not knowing how to start. I needed to tell someone, and hyung has always been there for me. I pushed myself to speak, my breath extremely shaky.
"You what?!" He asked, exasperated. However, I saw the concern in his eyes when he took in my state, calming down. 
"I-i-- th--. You wouldn't understand!" I managed to say, feeling lonely and disappointed in myself. I was so close to saying the truth. 
"Then make me understand!" Yoongi hyung responded calmly, trying to assure me that he wouldn't judge me. His warm, gentle tone caused me to hesitate for a bit before looking at him. 
"Jimin, you know I'm here not just your friend, but also as your hyung. Feel free to tell me anything that's bothering you. I would never judge you or look down on you. It's my responsibility as your hyung to take care of you and protect you." Yoongi hyung promised, while softly patting my back. I sighed in stress, knowing he wouldn't stop until he make me speak, even if he meant well. 
"I like Jungkook." I started, nervous for his reaction. 'Would he hate me?' I thought. I dismissed the thought as soon as it came. Namjoon hyung promised that they wouldn't judge him for liking guys.
"Go on." He respond, not even shocked from my sudden confession. I looked at him, confusion written on my face. 
"How come you're not shocked?" I asked, voicing my thoughts. 
"All of us already know about it, even if you didn't tell. It's really obvious Jimin." He explained, smiling a little. My thoughts were all over the place. Really, was I that obvious? Did Jungkook know? Does he like me back? Actually, probably not. I've been rejected by him up until recently. Those thoughts swirled around my brain, giving me a slight headache.

"Now what's wrong?" He asked again, effectively pulling me from my thoughts and getting me back on track. 
"All these years I've tried to show him my love and affection, but all I got was rejection. Then I felt like I had to stop since he never realized it and only rejected me, making me feel like he likes Tae. So I stopped! But when I did, he just suddenly started following me everywhere I go, wanting to hang out with me, being sweet and caring all the time. He completely changed, like as if he flipped a switch and became more affectionate. He's making me feel special, but also making me confused! He seems to be playing with my emotions, and it hurts. I just don't understand." I explained, confused about Jungkook's behavioural change.
"Jimin, you know Jungkook is just like me. He's not good at expressing his emotions and feelings. He probably likes you, but doesn't know how to express it. Or maybe he just really doesn't feel the same and since you started ignoring him and stopped giving him attention like you always do, he feels like he did something to you, which makes him think like he's losing you. You're his favorite hyung! The one we all know as one of the closest to him, even if he refuses to admit it. We all know how you two have a lot of in common and share similar hobbies. He's just really bad at expressing his emotions and thoughts." Yoongi hyung explained, voicing his thoughts. That made me think. Yoongi hyung was right. Jungkook doesn't really show affection, much less what he truly feels. I would be the more outward affectionate one, while Jungkook would take care of me in subtle ways. My mind traveled back to the day. Jungkook gave me his jacket, letting me stay warm and taking care of me.
"What do I do?" I desperately asked.
"Just act normal. Be the Jimin you are. Stop ignoring us, especially him, because if you stay like this, then there will be just two options left that could happen. Either you hurt him and yourself, or break your bond. However, either way you will lose one of your best friends." He said, making me sigh deeply. Both situations seemed painful, and even the briefest thought of either happening, made my heart feel like it was being squeezed painfully.
"Should I just move on?" I asked, earning an 'are you serious' look from him. 
"You know, just move on. Forget about my feelings towards him, and just accept that we're just friends, and that's all we will ever be?" I asked, grimacing at the thought. Yoongi sighed, not liking where this was heading. 
"And what if he likes you? You would just give up a potential relationship because you fear rejection?" He pointed out, making me a bit confused. 'Was he telling me something? Did Jungkook really like me? Yoongi must be insane. How could someone like me?' My thoughts became more negative as I thought about what Yoongi said.
"What?!" I exclaimed in disbelief, earning a sigh from him. He just shook his head.
"You're too unobservant Jimin!" He said, standing up. 
"Are you saying that Jungkook likes me?" I asked, refusing to let the topic go. I was shocked and curious. 
"Answer that yourself. I'm going to sleep." He said as I watched him leave my room.