Think Happy

Prologue

I am sitting down looking at my hands. It's still and quiet around me. There is no one else in the room. I can hear my heart pounding in my chest and a drop of sweat is forming on my temple. I think my carefully applied makeup will soon start to melt with the sweat. I touched the top of my upper lip and I feel sweat there as well. Funny thing my hand is cold. I can't feel any air rolling from my dried red painted lips. I keep remembering myself  'Breath!'.
There's a knock on the door. A voice, my mother's I think, who says:
-Xiaojiu hurry up please! The wedding is about to start!

I get up from my seat and I head towards the mirror. When I stop in front of it I can see the reflection of a beautiful women dressed in a traditional red wedding dress. The dress is simple and elegant. There were no caftans added, just 2 robes. an interior simple white one and on the top a scarlet red one with beautiful flying Phoenixes embroidered at the hem. The gold head pieces were beautifully and elegantly hanging on either side of her head. I couldn't help but to admire the ensemble. It was all his idea. All I asked for was 'as simple as possible'. And he managed that by adding also his touch.

There was another knock on the door. This time my aunt, also warning that she will not leave without me. After a few more knocks she barges in and she is struck by my pale face.
-Xiaojiu! What is the matter? We've been through this a millions times. Don't tell me you had a change of heart?
She quickly checked if anyone was in the corridor and then entered the room and lock the door.
-Xiaojiu! Talk to me! Tell me what's wrong!
When I didn't react in any way she lowered her voice and asked quietly:
-Do you want to run away? I have told numerous times if you change your mind before the wedding I'll support you 100% even if I'll have to fight your father, but you have to be firm in your decision. But I also want to warn you if this is the path you choose there is no way back and there will be grave consequences! So you have to make up your mind! This is your last chance!

Lifting my eyes up I looked her straight in the eyes and I asked her:
-Is he here already?
-He is here since morning...He is waiting for you and for the first time since he has been in existence he looks nervous. Almost like he is worried that you will not go trough with the wedding.
-I want to talk to him...
I whispered in a shaky voice.
-I don't think is possible! Everyone is waiting and is really bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.
-You know I don't believe in all that nonsense. Can you call him in here please?
Qian Qian looked at me once more and then turned around, open the door and left.
After a few minutes someone knock the door three times. My hands were trembling with nervousness and...excitement? I knew then my decision was almost made. I just need it one more assurance. Something to tell me the deal is sealed. Trying to raise my voice into sounding confident I said:
-Come in!
The door opened and there he was in the frame looking absolutely gorgeous with his head down like he was waiting to be executed. He seemed like he thought he was called there to be given bad news. He thought I was about to cancel everything and leave...leave him.
-I want to ask you something...
He closed the door behind him and made a few steps towards me. His head was still facing the floor. I walked closer to him until there was only a few inches between us. He was touring over me with his figure. We weren't touching but there was an electric current in the space between us. I could feel it and I am sure he was too. I put my finger under his chin. I said to myself this can't be wrong, I can touch him. He will anyway be mine soon. Husbands and wives are supposed to touch each other don't they? I lifted his head by pressing under his chin bringing the level of his eyes at my eye level. And then is when I saw it...he wanted me! That caused me confusion. We didn't know each other. We knew of each other but never have we shared anything remotely personal so how was that possible? He was looking at me expectantly.
-Ask away.
-Are you sure about this? There is no turning back from this. This marriage will be for all eternity and that is a long time. And I am telling you now,  there will be no other wives, never! Only you and me! This is your last chance to change your mind and be free. I am asking again: Are you sure?
-Yes!
-Then lets go and get married! Call my mother back to lay my veil.