Chasing Freedom

A monster I've become

Lauren POV:

The car slowly drove out of view, fading away into the distance until it blurred, slowly merging with the horizon that was beyond my sight's reach. I was foolishly waving goodbye to the disappearing car until it was completely out of sight. I felt a void grow alongside the distance that increased between us, disbelievingly shaking my head at the sentimental fool I had become.

I mean Camila was only going to be gone for two days while visiting her parents like every weekend, but somehow it felt like it was going to be a lifetime every single time she went for a visit to her parents.

She really had that power over me to make me act like a whipped fool, while feeling slightly lost without her. Maybe, love did make you stupid. That was the only thing that could explain my sudden emptiness when she was away.

I usually filled in this void of missing her by drawing or painting something, and now wasn't any different when I got home. I quickly took some different coloured paints, smearing them on a white canvas, distracting me from missing her.

I let my feelings and thoughts bleed out on the paper, spilling from the depts of my heart to be drenched on the blank paper. The choice of colouring always reflected what was going through my mind, and recently with all the that was going on, those colours seemed to be a combination of a red and blue.

The colour blue was for the hopelessness I felt during this entire ordeal with Camila's stalker, while the colour red resembled my frustration for not being more of help in this situation.

This were the two colours that were more prominent in the landscapes I painted, standing out like they were screaming out their frustration and sadness from out of the paper. My landscapes were usually painted in realism, but they have taken a more surrealistic route tonight with the deep shade of blue that was an unrealistic colour for a sky in the day.

I was always very poised with my art, not letting my emotions meddle with the outcome, but lately I needed this outlet to pour out my emotions into something else. Otherwise they would consume me, while tearing away at my sanity piece by piece.

I moved my hand with steady soft strokes to spread the velvet red paint out, creating a more eerie sunrise then I usually would. It was the perfect representation of how feeling inside; scared of what another would day would bring – scared of what Camila's stalker would bestow on us next.

I took a step back to take in my work, passing my eyes over my work while proudness ran through my veins. I wiped my hands over my forehead, wiping away some of the sweat the had gathered there during the making of my painting.

The release of my hopeless frustration drained me of my energy, making me feel exhausted now the emotions had poured out of me. I left the painting on the easel to dry, deciding that sleep would be the solution to my exhaustion. I had an early shift at the café tomorrow anyways, so an early good night's rest would be ideal.

I quickly changed my clothes into my nightwear before walking towards my bed to let myself collapse on the bed. I slowly threw the sheets over, letting it blanket me under its warmth.

It took a while to get comfortable and settle in, because I felt like something was missing – well more like someone was missing besides me.

I had gotten so used to falling asleep with Camila in my arms, her absence hitting me harder at night time. I was used to the way her soft intakes of air would fill up the room, or how her exhales would blow a soft breeze over the skin that was left bare by my nightwear. I had gotten so used to the feeling of her skin closely glued against mine, that it felt cold with her in my bed.