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I KNEW HE WAS USING MY PHONE! He used it to take this creepy ass selfie, and that's not even all of it! I had to crop it bc that Nivea bottle is NOT just floating in mid air, fam it is SITTING ON A PP!!! Is he hitting on me? Eeeww!!! Anyway it's my new lock screen.
So I was gonna continue writing about my date (?) with Onyx, but lemme just talk about Ed for a sec. This mf comes home every night covered in blood and sweat. I don't know how much of it is his, and I don't want to ask. In his defense, I guess he works in forensics or whatever, so maybe that's normal, idk.
Anyway, last night he came home covered in something else, reeking of alcohol and Paco Rabanne. And we know dat boi only owns Axe body spray. He got back super late, like past midnight, when he'd promised me we'd watch Spotless together. We call it Netflix & Chili, cos, y'know, nachos. Also neither of us have any chill. I waited for like 12 whole minutes (he said he'd be back by 10) before I was like fuck it and binged the rest of the episodes myself. Chill factor: ZERO. He deserved it.
So yeah, Ed trundles through the front door, looking crinkled and feverish as always, and he's just dripping with what looks like jizz. Who the hell does the walk of shame without even cleaning up a bit first? I interrogated him, and he kept looking at me with this stupid dazed smile on his face. His hair was all messy and his cheeks were all red and I was like, "Dude, you look like you just had your first blowjob or something". He was like, "Haha yeah I guess". I was like, "So? How was it?" and you know wtf he said? YOU KNOW WTF HE SAID LMAO??
He said:
"Well, it tasted kinda different from what I'd imagined" LMFAOOOOO OH MY GOD I'M
BITCH HE TOLD ME HE WAS STRAIGHT AND THEN HE COMES HOME COVERED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S PP JUICE I FREAKIN HOWLED FAM
So of course I tried to get more out of him, but while I was rolling on the floor crying with laughter he just disappeared into his room and took like, an hour long shower lmao.
He's so weird. I like him, but he totally freaks me out. He kinda reminds me Ares, looks wise, so I have a bit of a soft spot for him. Ima keep an eye on him and see what else he does when he's not creeping on my streams. Yeah, that's right, EdibleLecter, I know it's you.
