Ocean // BTS

I

They say it was an accident. 

That it could have been avoidable. 

But they were having fun, and if he didn't make it, at least he'd have spent his last day having fun with them. But they weren't me. It didn't make a difference in my head filled with steamy, salty water that made it unbearably foggy as my brain struggled to find its way out. It's hard to hear people when you're underwater.

Is that how he felt?

Now, if I had been there, I wouldn't have let them do it. And part of me wanted to scream HA. Should have invited me, huh? But in the back of my mind, I know there are reasons I am lucky I stayed out of it. 

Outside the black window frame of the car, buildings swirl past as the sun starts to set and dark shadows are cast by the slowly illuminating street lights. They seem dark and fuzzy, molding into each other and waving like seaweed floating, still attached to the ocean floor. They're being tempted away by the current. I imagine all those buildings as if they are the hospital. I imagine they are the one, that in a few minutes, I'll pull up to, knowing his beautiful being will be in, surrounded by people who care about him almost as much as I do.

But never as much.

Never as much as I do.