Ocean // BTS

XIII

I hold onto it tighter, longer. I will not let go. As soon as I let go, he will let go. And I can't let him do that.

I hold on as if it is a choice. That my warmth can pulse through his body through my hand. I'm keeping him alive, I tell myself. Hold on until it passes. Hold on until you're back to the beginning.

But the room erupts with chaos and I'm not alone anymore. I'm swimming again, but this time I'm sinking. I've been treading the dangerous waters for a long time, for a week. Ever since I fell in. But I'm too tired now and I'm finally slipping under the water again. I don't think I'll make it to the top again. I don't think he made it to the top last time.

People are doing things to him, they're touching him. They tell me to back away. But they don't know I'm keeping him alive. They don't know I'm pulling him back to the surface with me.

"Say goodbye," they say. "This is most likely not going to work."

But what I'm doing isn't working either. So I have options.

I have exactly one second left. One second of this isn't going to work but nothing else is either. So I lean in and kiss him. Once. twice.

And then the lips stay parted. I wish he could keep his heart open like that. For me.

They open again, this time on their own. I want it, but I don't gain a tinge of hope. You can't swim to the surface that fast after drowning. But I'm getting closer. Maybe he's pulling me up to the top this time. Maybe he already recovered.

"You're my..."