Ocean // BTS

VI

It's now my second home. I've grown accustomed to the bumps in the dirty white walls and the dents in between black scratch marks. They're made by people who loved the last person in his room almost as much as I love him.

But never as much.

Never as much as I do.

With all my time to think, I wonder if I should be mad at someone, or angry about it, or afraid for him.

But the only thing that is clear are the few words that repeat in my head.

Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up.

Whether it's to him or myself, I don't know. Maybe it's both. But I just want someone to WAKE UP.

Suddenly, I realize I might have been talking to myself, because someone walks up to me and sits next to me. I wake up from my pain because now I have to see who just sat next to me.

My heart leaps for just a second because this person resembles him way too much. But another second later, I feel a different sort of leap because I realize it's his brother.

And what do I owe him, if anything. What am I to him, if anything? How should I act towards him, like family, if anything?

What does he think about me. Does he care about me? And does he accept me?

I sit up from my slouched position where I was previously lying with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands and look up to him. He sighs and lays his head back on the wall with a small thud. He doesn't acknowledge me.

His eyes close and I question whether I should say something or not. I decided I wouldn't want to have to say my first words to him after a few awkward moments, so I peep out a hi.