I͎t͎'͎s͎ ͎Y͎o͎u͎ - Zαɾɾყ AU

Chap 10

It's been a few days since the boys and I've started working on the new album. We still have yet to name it. We've been working with a couple of  other great artists who also happens to be our close friends; the album is definitely going to be different than the previous ones.

Liam rambles on and on about how good of ideas he's got for the album; I've been working on a couple of songs at the same time. I'd like to think that they're good.

I spoke to mum the other day; she told me that Gemma and his boyfriend had a argument. It's been a few months since they've gotten together; mum said she was worried, I told her that it's normal for this to happen in every single relationship.

Things have been going smooth with me; I've been hanging out with a couple of my friends. Kendall, included.

Although, nothing's that eventful; at night it all comes crashing down at me. It's just that I'm working on another album without any motivation. It's just... Work-- I never really take music as work. Sure it is my job, if you want to call it that, but it's still music, an art.

I've enjoyed my time in the band- I really have; but now it feels like it's more than just music. It's about me, individually. It's about my health, and how I've not been feeling quite like myself lately.

I wish I could let all of this out to someone; that what I've been feeling after zayn has left in every way possible--but I don't want to bother anyone.

In short, I think I need a break. It's must. I need it for myself. I need it to get my life together back at the track. Now, that I think about it; being in one direction was nothing, but music, work- work, music. That's how it should be; but we should also focus on our health.

I'll give it to zayn, it's good he chose his life, health and happiness-

It doesn't necessarily means that I'm over him though.

I think I should talk about the break with the boys. I won't mind even a little bit of it. A year; would be enough for all of us. I think, I'll be okay until then.

As soon as the tour ended, I came back to LA-- my home, since my work life. The boys went on their ways. We've been in contact for the album, obviously. I think we'll meet up soon when we write the songs that are enough to satisfy us.

A couple hours go by since my mind was clogged up into those thoughts; it's afternoon now, I have been reading a book, now I'm scrolling through my social media feed.

The Fandom is full of love as always; a couple of things about zayn show up, people are still talking about him and perrie's break up.

I haven't had lunch yet, I'm still trying to figure out if I want to eat or not, and If I do then what?

Maybe, pasta.

I finally get up from the couch that I was sitting on, walking towards the kitchen, finally making up my mind for pasta-

As my mind wanders over towards zayn and perrie. Sure they've broken up; but it's weird, how could zayn have two relationships and he's left both of them?

His relationship coming to an end with perrie is understandable, they both weren't in love-- and she was using him; but did he not love me as well? Why would he leave me?

I shouldn't act this surprised about it. I knew this was coming, what was unexpected, was him saying that he doesn't love me, in a twisted way.

"You should let me go because I really don't wanna fucking stay here, in this hell with you and feel dead! So this is it for us"

It's confusing, more than confusing- he said all those things about, how I shouldn't lose myself after he leaves me, I should stay strong and whatever the bullshit he had feed me; makes it all so confusing-

I remember him saying-

"No just listen, if we ever are to get apart. Just promise me you will be the greatest version of yourself. You'll be so brave and strong that people will talk about how much you've changed. That how powerful you've become. And while we're away, I'll hear all of those talks and I'll look at your pictures and smile. And speak to myself that you've made it. Don't let me break you. Don't let them break you. You love yourself first, then anybody else"

I remember how his eyes got sad when he said 'anybody else'

So, was he in love with me or not?

There's no way he wasn't.

______
Life sure is hard, I've been very busy, I promise. I'm sorry for not uploading earlier.

This is a short Chap :( and a shitty one but I'll try to get better.

Take care