I͎t͎'͎s͎ ͎Y͎o͎u͎ - Zαɾɾყ AU

Chap 18

[Oh] you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
[Oh] you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth

                Andrew Belle - In my veins

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Back in the old times, when I was with H. I remember him not having a single "settled" relationship. He would always jump from a girl to girl. But it wasn't because he was a lady's guy or a womanizer, it was because he never found anybody like me.

That's what he used to tell me. That's what I used to hear from his mouth whenever I'd ask him about a certain girl he's with.

I didn't restrict him from hooking up with girls, knowing my selfish and insecure ass was in a "settled" one.

I did get furious whenever I heard about him being with someone, girls specifically.

That furiousness actually, were my insecurities. It made me scared to think about how I'd never be brave enough for him to prove our relationship in public.

Most of it depends on my religion and my religious father.

Even though, I am a strong believer of equality and shit but, still to this day, I am a god damn scared coward.

So, I never truly deserved H.

That person, him, who could leave everything for me, who let me leave himself so many times just for my own better does not deserve a scared, insecure, cheating asshole like me.

I don't regret anything I've done with Harry, and I never will. Those are the things that I would want to relive everyday, the things that I don't mind remembering for the rest of my fucking life.

He owns my whole heart. His smile owns my heart. His lips are what makes my heart beat faster than fucking sound. His curls, that I'm the biggest fan of, makes my body fill with joy. His laugh stays in my veins. His dimples make my heart full.

He completes me. He completes my happiness.

If he started thinking of me as a selfish person only on the day of our break up, then he's an idiot- because I always already was selfish.

I always saw myself first, what would hurt me and what wouldn't. I cared about my emotions, not his.

'why would he care about me?'

I never realized that love is the answer.

Love is the answer to everything.

Not him dropping words like 'weigh' and 'but' whenever we performed 'little things' on stage, because of my eating disorder.

He was his strangest and the most bitter self during the time of mine and perrie's engagement news were spreading around.

It's another thing that I told myself, as well as him that me and perrie don't see each other much because of how busy we are. But it's a complete and an utter different thing when he knew that I do everything with her like a normal couple does and forget about him.

I did everything wrong with him. I was always so unfair with him.

I thought I can't ever hurt him. Little did I know I already was.

He could've been like me too. Hooking up, or having relationships or cheating, and leaving me every now and then. But he never did.

"Can I come in?"

I turn around to look, seeing gigi smiling slightly, while her hand holds the door open.

"Sure"

I give her a small smile.

"What's up?"

"Uh nothing, I was trying to write a new song"

"Oh? Didn't know that"

"Yeah sorry, I thought I'd tell you once I'm done babe"

"I was just messing with you babe"

She chuckles.

"If you say so"

I smile and look down at the note pad again.

The not so empty page now, has a song written on it, about the one and only, Harry styles.

"What did you write about so far?"

"About?"

I ask, lost.

What do I tell her?

Oh nothing, it's just a song about my ex girlfriend using me for fame and me reassuring my ex boyfriend that it's him and only him when I'm dating you as well?

"Yeah? Tell me anything"

She smiles and looks at me.

"Well, the song's name is It's you-"

I begin, then stop and take a look at the page once again.

How do you tell your current girlfriend that you've written a song about your ex partner who your still in love with?

"-and, it's about well- it's about how- uh you're in love with someone but you also have this person in your life that you're supposed to be with- that is basically using you for a specific thing- to hide the fact that you're in love with that someone"

I explain and look at gigi, she stares at me for sometime before finally speaking.

"Oh wow. That's honestly amazing. It's so unreal to me that how artists like you actually exist and put on such a thought on their project and form it into a master piece. It's just crazy"

I smile at her words.

"I really appreciate your kind words babe. You're amazing yourself, it amazes me how strong you must be and you are. Thank you"

I lean in and give her a kiss.

A concerning thing is, that each time I kiss her, I like it even more than the last time- and that terrifies me.

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New Chap! I'm late again though. What even 👁👄👁

Not me writing a chapter at 1:32 am on a Wednesday while listening to 'it's you'

But it's worth it when you guys are here to appreciate it.

Thank you :)

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