the cut that always bleeds - haikyuu!

chapter 1

HINATA POV

"NICE KILL TANAKA!"

"Alright everyone , let's call it a day now , pack up and get some rest! "

Coach Ukai shouted.

"Hey Kageyama, are you walking my way today?

"Sure dumbass, let me get stuff."

I would've retorted calling him bakageyama, but he'd already run off to the locker rooms. stupid Bakageyama. I checked my phone , 26 missed calls off Natsu. Mum had bought her an disposable phone so she could call me if anything ever happened. A surge of panic ripples through my body as I rang back quickly.

"Natsu?"

"O-o-oni chan , it's mama , she's in hospital,"

I could hear her crying through the phone, then a muffled noise like a phone being passed over, and a male voice came on the line.

"Shouyou! It's Dr Asaki from Miyagi hospital and I'm very sorry we've been trying to get ahold of you, your mother is intensive care right now and we are doing all we can to help her,"

"W...what happened..."

"It's better if you come now , and I'll explain properly in person!"

"Oh okay...I'm on my way."

Unease blossomed from within me; as brilliantly as the fragrant sakura trees that lined Miyagi in the height of spring. Mum had, issues. A whole host of mental health conditions of which she was meant to take medication for. The problems really came about when she refused to take her pills.

"Suga , please could you tell Kageyama that I needed to go, my mums annoyed because I'm late aha,"

I let out an humourless giggle at the end to sound more convincing. I threw him a cursory smile as he agreed and said goodbye. I hopped on my bike and raced down to the hospital, wind blowing through my hair. Natsu needed me right now. I was nervous to say the least, but my feelings weren't important right now. She was safe this time, Mum hadn't gotten too bad then.

"ONI-CHAN!"

A small, ginger bundle ran into my arms as I came onto the unit. She looked tired and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. I felt guilty seeing my little ray of sunshine like this.

"It's ok now Natsu, I'm here."

I held her tightly, whispering comfortingly in her ear as she whimpered quietly. Dr Asaki noticed my presence and came jogging down the hallway.

"We're gonna have to admit her this time Shouyou, this is her 5th suicide attempt this year, I'm so sorry, do you have a guardian who can look after you and Natsu?"

"Uh yeah my Auntie May, she lives near us!"

"Ok, stay safe kiddo , do you wanna see her?"

"No thank you. I'll take Natsu home. Goodbye?"

"Bye Shouyou, I'll call with updates on her condition."

I lifted Natsu on top of my shoulders while I wheeled my bike along next to us. I didn't exactly want to lie to the doctor, he'd done nothing but help me, my mum and Natsu over the years. Auntie May was real but she moved abroad to be with her american boyfriend 4 years ago. She used to protect us. Now all me and Natsu have are each other.

I resent Mum. It feels bad to say it, but truly I do. She stole my childhood, married a horrible man who thankfully is not in our lives anymore. Even if I know it isn't all her fault, she can't always control her mental state and the things she does.

After a long journey we arrived home , I cooked some ramen and we had ate in relative quiet. The atmosphere was different when mum wasn't here , more relaxed. But Natsu seemed unsettled, she missed her. She was to young to understand.

I tucked natsu into bed, pressing a warm kiss onto her forehead goodnight. The hallways were all dark now, the electricity was on and off seeing as we weren't very well off. I walked  into my room, collapsing onto the bed, letting the darkness overwhelm me for a moment. All the feelings I had suppressed today came to the surface, and I couldn't help myself.

MAJ TRIGGER WARNING. EXPLICIT SELF HARM. SKIP THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'LL BE TRIGGERED! <3

Reaching under my pillow, I felt the cold, steel blade between my fingertips. I shouldn't do this. I know I shouldn't. But Natsu would be better off if I was gone. She could move to America with Auntie. Live a happy life in a big house like a movie star. They'd all be better off without me. Ukai and Daichi probably only let me play on the court because they pity me. They all must hate me so much. I'm just not good enough. I'm dirty, so dirty. Not even my own mum loves me.

I dragged the metal against my wrist, warm bloody starting to escape my body. I felt nothing.

Another cut.

And another.

And another.

Until my arm was littered in fresh cuts, joining the old ones to create a mess. The angry jagged lines from every battle I'd lost. It was only when I'd calmed down, and come back to my senses , when I felt the sharp shock of pain. I had to be insane.

Crazy must run in this family.