A Fallen $tar

A Fallen $tar: The spine is just a string (pt 2)

"Okay Manson, you're home!" John yelled at me from the front.

"Woopity fuckidy doo. Let's have a fuckin' party!" I let out a big gust of breath. Then rolled onto my side. I heard the pounding of his boots on the floor getting closer. I rolled my eyes. "Oh great..." I murmured to myself.

"Look at me-" John tugged on my shoulder, I rolled back over and looked up at him.

"I don't know why you're being such an asshole? But I'm done, okay? I'M DONE!" He threw his arms up, giving up on me, and stomped off.

"Wait, what?" I felt my eyes get a bit puffy again, but so much quicker now. John had been one of my best friends for a long time. I already lost Twigs, Dita, I was losing Evan...If he was serious- Ijust couldn't lose Him. "Wait, John!" I quickly sprung out of bed, running after him. "John you can't leave. What the fuck, don't be a dick." These words were all I had known, I couldn't seem to find a better way to make him stay.

John was about to say something as he stepped off the bus, but stopped with my last words. I peered down at him from the tour bus doors.

"Don't. Be. A. Dick. Hmm...Is that not the pot calling the kettle black?" He tilted his head and disbelief.

I stood there gathering my words. "I'm so-"

"Zip it dickwad! I've had enough of your, WHINEY, FUCKING, ADITUDE!" He walked away from the tour bus towards his car. The car we had left in the driveway almost 8 months ago.

I couldn't hold onto something that was slipping, it dragged me down hard. I felt my face flush with salty emotions as tears ran down like rain on a window seal.

Evan came running out of the house "Brian, Oh my god what's wrong?" She ran up to me, wrapping her arms around me so tight, Squeezing. Evan, was an actress. Which mean't she would literally bawl if a dog's shit stunk.

Of course, she cried all over me. Of course she was attempting to comfort me, make me feel better. But really all she was doing was pissing me off. I couldn't really pick out exactly why it was, it just...was...

I pushed her away from me without a word. My mind was still set on John.

Ginger ran up beside him and pushed his car door closed before he sat down in the seat. I could see the panic in ginger's eyes. He wanted him to stay just as much as I did. I watched speechless as he tried to convince him. John was spitting like a motherfucker, infuriated.

Meanwhile, Evan had leached back onto me. Sobbing on my cloths. I sort of wanted to just shoo her away, like a Nat. The realization was forming, I had purposed to a little. Girl.

I didn't even feel like I was in an intimate relationship with her anymore. I felt like I was her daddy. Not her sugar daddy, Not her going to be husband. Her daddy. This little girl came to me because she had daddy issues.

"Evan..."

"Yes?" She looked up at me, red eyes.

"Go inside please. This doesn't involve you." I was still staring at John.

"Oh..." She looked down, taking a step back. Her hands still rested on my sides. "Okay..." She turned and slowly went back inside. She kept on peering back over her shoulder at me.

I walked up beside Ginger. "John, you have to be kidding me. Right?" I snickered, trying to make him fess up. I believed he was just trying to make me sorry. It was my last hope before I cracked all the way.

John looked up at me, I noticed the tears in his eyes as well. "No. I'm not kidding Manson. I'm sorry, you just-"

"I'm not the same anymore. I know." I looked down, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Yeah, but I don't mean it that way. I mean it like. You're NOT the same, and I think it's because you know. You just lost Dita, and you and Evan aren't doing so well. You haven't-"

"Just say it, goddamn it just say it!" I slammed my hand on his car.

"Ok, you're starting to just..."

"Plain suck." Ginger added in with a frown. John shrugged, wiping his eyes.

Wow. I couldn't even suck cool. I just, "plain sucked" Never in my life had I been plain about anything. I was losing who I once wanted to become, and now, who I was.

"Thank you."

John about choked. "What?-"

I slapped him across the face. "Don't ever agree with ginger again. You understand?" I then hugged him. We all started to laugh a bit.

To watch John leave, it broke my heart. It broke my heart knowing that I let the world get to me, and I took it out on my best friends.