Queer As Folk - What Happened Next?

43. If I Found You

"Brian, what's this?" Justin asks, arriving into the bathroom two mornings later with a cardboard tube in his hand.

They had just been talking about having a day out together. Brian had been teasing him about being a terrible host and not showing his guest the sights of the city, leaving Justin in bed to decide on where he was going to take him as he used the bathroom. 

"Where did you get that?"

"I was trying to find my black sweater, thought it may have got mixed up in some of your things. Why? What's in it?"

"Nothing...just...plans for Babylon..." Brian answers a little hesitantly.

Justin's eyes widen, "I thought you were selling Babylon?" As Brian turns to look at him, realisation dawns. "You're not selling, you're keeping it?" He asks, his voice rising with surprise.

Nodding, Brian confirms, "I wanted your input, if I found you, to..."

"So you came to New York to talk to me about Babylon?!"

Brian knew Justin would take it the wrong way, he should have brought up the subject days ago, but he honestly forgot that he'd even brought the blueprints with him. 

"No Juss, I came to New York to find you and make things right between us, I just happened to bring that too. I thought I might get your view on it if the subject arose."

Justin stares at Brian as if his vision has suddenly cleared. "Oh my god..." Turning, he stalks out of the bathroom leaving a confused and half shaved Brian looking at himself in the bathroom mirror.

~~~

"Justin..." There's a warning tone to Brian's voice that Justin visibly bristles at. 

"Brian..."

The slight glance in his direction, the tight jaw, the stony face all warn Brian to stay away but he doesn't. Instead he perches on the ottoman directly in front of an obviously pissed off Justin and waits for him to speak. Which he does after a couple of lengthy moments during which Brian steels himself for a difficult conversation. 

"When you decided to come to New York, how long was your ticket booked for?"

Brian answers him honestly, he doesn't want anything to be unsaid between them anymore. He's past all that bullshit. He knows he needs and wants Justin in his life, they just have to figure out how. "A week."

Quickly working it out in his head, Justin looks at Brian in shock. "So you should have left last Friday?" 

Brian corrects him quietly, "Actually last Wednesday because I was here for two days looking for you. I didn't find you until the Friday..."

"So you've been in New York for, what? A week and a half now? 

Nodding, Brian doesn't say anything. He looks at the indignation on Justin's face and chooses not to challenge him. 

"When did you change your ticket?"

"The day after I found you. I phoned Cynthia on the way to get breakfast. Turns out she'd already booked an open ticket for me thinking this might happen." If Brian thinks that nugget of information would be welcome to Justin he's mistaken.

"Well I'm glad she knows you better than you know yourself." Justin sarcastically snaps back. "You have no intention of moving here do you?" He asks quietly, hardly breathing as he waits for the answer.

"No."

Steadily Brian watches him, seeing a myriad of emotions cross his lover's face. Justin is an artist, he paints from his heart and what he sees and, more importantly, what he feels. Brian's the more stoic one, the one with more detached emotions, more of a business head. Right now he knows exactly what Justin is feeling, because he felt the same when he realised that it was an impossibility to move Kinnetik to New York.

"I need some air," Justin decides, standing up all of a sudden, taking Brian a bit by surprise. He moves his feet to let Justin past automatically, reaching a hand up to touch Justin's arm. 

"Justin, we need to talk."

Shaking his head, Justin puts his hand up to stop Brian speaking. He returns from the bedroom with his jacket and a determined look on his face. 

"Justin..."

"I'm going for a walk...and I don't want you to come with me," Justin adds, seeing Brian start to move towards the bedroom himself, knowing that his jacket was hanging up next to where his own had just been.

"Juss! Justin!!" Brian calls as Justin moves away. 

"No. I'll be back. I just need some air."

"Justin!"

Brian's own words seem to hit the hastily slammed door and reverberate back to him. He doesn't go after him immediately, knowing that to do so would surely annoy him even more but in time he does grab his jacket and scribble a hasty note in case Justin returns before he does. At least this time if Justin decides to take off again he'll know where to find him.  

A thought occurs to Brian about himself as he leaves the suite, pulling the door closed quietly behind him, and slinging his jacket over his shoulder. He walks down the corridor musing about it to himself wondering whether to phone Lindsay to get her advice. He has a feeling that maybe, just maybe, he's finally starting to grow up...

Strangely the thought doesn't terrify him as much as he thought it once would.