Aurora [H.S AU]

Chapter 25

Feeling demonic harmonic in a no go zone
You look well suited like you came to win

Lust, spite and malice, your degrees of sin

Cruising for pity and looking pretty as fuck

Song: Spite & Malice, by Placebo

***

2019, October, 2nd - tuesday |6:30am

Aster's PO.V

Looking down to my phone, I open the email Mrs. Martinez, my dad's assistant, sent me on Monday with all the details about the trip, clearly saying that a car from S&L would pick me up at 6am today, to take me to the airport.

It's already 6:30, though, and no car has arrived yet.

My hands are slightly shaking, but I'm trying with all my heart not to panic right now. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for why there's a half hour delay. Honestly, the only reason why I haven't completely lost it yet is because my flight is not until 8:30 and I've already checked on Waze that the ride to the airport won't last more than one hour. But if the clocks reach 7am and no one is here, I think I might pass out.

Maybe the fact I'm not on the edge of my seat with anxiety is because I'm kinda anesthetized from lack of sleep. I got home around 1am, but after what happened with Harry last night I was too angry to manage to sleep. I opened a bottle of red wine and tried to calm myself down enough to go to bed, but it simply didn't happened, even after the anger dissipated, giving place to fear and anxiety. I have no idea how this trip will develop considering the situation Harry and I are in the moment. If I thought it was going to be hard before, I can't even begin to imagine how it will be now.

I'm just so angry at him and frankly, so disappointed. I still didn't entirely wrapped my mind about everything that happened last night, the way he acted with me, the fact he admitted with such naturality that he had put a guy to follow me. That's not something normal, why did he act like it was the most natural thing in the world?

Wasn't expecting you to be that easy. Guess I should've expected, considering how easy it was to go down on you.

I hate that his words still stings on my heart. He had no right to speak to me the way he did, and even though I think I might've struck back, my heart still hurts. It still feels so fucking unfair, and what I hate the most, is that for a moment he made me second guess my decision to simply follow my instincts. He slutshamed me and even though it only lasted a second, I believed him. Being sexually free and confident was something so hard to build, fighting against society's conception of right or wrong, battling the pre-conceived notions of what or how a woman should act to be respectable, it all took me so long, and for a moment Harry made me question everything that I've constructed for myself, by myself.

I regret kissing him. I regret touching him, letting him touch me. Deep down, I've always thought something nice could happen between us, but now I know better. I can't let Harry get under my skin the way he does, can't give him more power than he already has. I'm not myself when I'm around him, and after what happened last night in his car just made me realize I don't like who I'm with him.

When it was around 3 am and I was still sitting at the kitchen counter with an empty bottle of wine in front of me, I gave up going to sleep. I tried watching a movie but my mind was still rushing too much to actually pay attention, so eventually I turn the TV off and went to the porch to practice some yoga. Then took Tate for a walk, and got back home around 5am. When I was preparing my breakfast, my alarm went off, which is kind of ironic if you think about. I drank coffee while watching the sun rise, then took a shower and got dressed.