The Interview

Get Rid Of

Ellen's POV

As I was standing in front of him, I realized maybe this can't work. Sometimes you have to let go off the people that you don't need in your life. Sometimes you have to tear someone from your life to realize they were the bad side in your life. And when you decide to get rid of them and all those years without them you feel like a crap for doing so, maybe that decision wasn't right. 

I felt all so messy right now that I couldn't tell him anything reasonable. I was looking at my hands trying to find proper words how to explain my feelings. But then I realized this is Patrick standing in front of me and he propably doesn't need any explanations.

I looked up at him to find him staring at me with what seemed as tears in his eyes. I wanted so bad to tell him something.

"Patrick..." I started but didn't quite know how to continue. I remembered all the nights I wished I had his phone number to call him, all the busy days when I was thinking about him. How I wanted everything to be back. Me and him on the set, having all the fun, teasing each other, hanging out together, enjoying our friendship... Yeah... friendship...

"You know... this is hard..." I started again and looked at my hands again playing with my nails. "Every single day I wanted to call you but..." I stopped to catch my breath. "I thought that... I thought you might have felt something more to me and..." Gosh!  "And when I found out about you and that... you know." I didn't even want to say her name again. "I got so angry and jealous and..." I looked into his face to check if he's still listening. He was. And he was also crying. Fuck! Fuck!  I felt first tears forming in my eyes but I decided to continue even though it will hurt. Both of us.

"I told Jillian and Shonda because I wanted you to suffer the same way as I did..." I half whispered and my mouth was now dry as the martini which I would take a use of now. I smiled bitterly. "I know it was none of my businness but I somhow felt like you... you... God... like you belonged to me and only me." And here I was, saying those words I have never wanted to say. I could feel the air getting heavier and I gasped for air. He was just standing there looking somewhere behind me and I was thanking God he stayed quiet.

"I know... I know there is no excuse for what I did. And I'm really sorry, Patrick... I really am." I dared to look into his eyes one more time. He was now piercing me with his eyes but I couldn't read his face. I felt my chest tighten and my heart barely beating. I doubted if I could stand this tense situation and I was sure I would faint any moment possible. I wanted him to say something... anything... But he stood still without a word. And I thought, just for a second, what if I am the person in his life he got rid of...