The Interview

It's okay

Patrick's POV

I was listening to all those words she'd said. I was listening but I didn't want to hear them. I knew already all of this, or at least I thought so. I was watching her fragile figure and I imagined how hard it must be for her to tell me the truth. And I wasn't prepared for this.

"Ellen..." I whispered not knowing if I want to continue this conversation. I knew we need to talk about this. However, it was maybe too late for this and maybe we just can't continue with whatever we had before between us. I looked at her face. She was looking down at the ground and I could hear the gears running in her head. Just say something... 

"Maybe... maybe it's all over." Fuck! This is not exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to say... I wanted. What the actual hell, Dempsey! I could feel my hands trembling and I just wanted to finally grab her in my arms and tell her it's all good now, that I want to be with her... but I felt there's something really big between us that we can't get over. It was a mixture of feelings. I wanted her. And I hated her. I couldn't decide which feeling was stronger.

I watched as her hand darted to her face and she wiped her tears away, in attempt I wouldn't see it. My heart broke into milion pieces. I remembered all my nights crying over her. All my days wondering what she's doing. All those years of not knowing how she feels, if she's happy or not, if she has everything in her life or not. And if I can make it all better, just to see her smile again.

"Patrick... I know..." She sobbed and gasped for air. "I know this all... I just..." She again wiped her tears, now with both of her hands as she couldn't stop the tears from falling. I've been through a lot but seeing my girl crying was heartbreaking for me and I wanted to stop it. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her but I couldn't. Something was still stopping me from doing so. "I just... want you to know that I'm sorry and it hurts..." Another sob. "I hurt." Now she was crying. Fuck! I gently grabbed her by her shoulders to support her as I was scared she would fall any time soon. "I hurt every single day." I pulled her into my embrace and I felt my own tears on my cheeks. All the years of pretending, ignoring and hating each other went before my eyes as in a bad, embarassing movie and I felt her pain. The all well-known pain for me.

"It's okay... we're good." I said into her hair as I hid my face in the crook of her neck. "It's okay." I repeated in case she didn't hear it before. She has to know. She has to know it's all over and we're ready for the new beginning, that I am here for her now and we can go through all of this together and everything will be okay again. At least I thought so...