Volume IV: What Kept You From Greatness

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Part 4

I sighed as I stopped at my locker the next morning. "I hate Mondays," I muttered, unlocking it and setting my bag down to sort through. I threw some books in my locker for later, then grabbed a fresh pencil out of my locker for the week. I stood, then closed my locker just as Peter walked up to me. "Hey, Kate," he said shyly, as if it was his first time talking to his crush.

My attention snapped to him as memories of my dream flooded back. I pounced on him, hugging him tightly. I tried to fight the tears. "Peter... I love you..."

I felt him wrap his arms hesitantly around me, as if he was confused, but he soon held me tightly. "I love you too, Kate... Is... something the matter? You're not usually like this," he said gently.

"I'll tell you at lunch... Meet me in the storage room on the first floor," I whispered in his ear.

We pulled back to look at one another. Peter's eyes were filled with concern as his hands rested gently on my waist. "Alright," he said with a nod. "Is there anything I can do?"

The bell rung out, signaling we had to get to class. "Not right now, we have to go, but I'll talk to you at lunch."

Peter smiled, putting his forehead to mine. "Alright, let me know. I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," I replied, then walked hand in hand with him to our first class.

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I walked down the empty hallway and into the dark storage room. I sat on top of some boxes to wait for Peter. I knew he would be a bit late coming from the third floor and all. I took in a deep breath, trying to prepare my words.

"PTSD..." I whispered with a small sigh. "Why me? Why like this?" I asked into the dim room. "I don't understand."

Suddenly, the door opened. I dove to the ground behind some boxes out of impulse. I didn't know why, but I thought it was Thanos coming back for me.

"Katelyn?" A soft voice rang out. "Are you here?"

I recognized it as Peter's voice, taking in a few deep breaths to calm myself. "I'm here," I replied, but couldn't bring myself to move from my hiding spot.

I heard the door close, then someone walk near my hiding spot. I tensed, pulling my knees close to my chest in panic, trying to make myself smaller. I couldn't shake the feeling of danger. "Kate, where are you?" He called out. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine... I just... I'm right here..." I replied, still not moving.

Eventually, Peter found me as his eyes adjusted to the dimness. "Kate, are you alright?" He asked, kneeling next to me with concern.

"No..." I replied, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Peter, I'm so sorry..."

"For what?" Peter wrapped his arms gently around me. After a moment, we both adjusted our position so we were sitting on top of the boxes. He sat beside me and wrapped a gentle arm around me, then held my hand with the other.

I took in a deep sigh. "I'm sorry for putting you through this... and I'm sorry in advance for whatever comes next..."

"I don't understand, Kate, what's going on?"

"Peter... My dad says I'm suffering from PTSD. When you walked in just now, my first thought was Thanos, then when I heard it was you, I couldn't shake the feeling that you were being controlled by him," I said, looking away from him in shame. I felt guilty that I was that way. Nobody else was, so why should I have been?

"Kate..." he spoke gently, letting go of my hand to put a hand to my face. "Look at me..." As much as I didn't want to, I looked up at Peter. His eyes were soft and sympathetic. "I'm glad you told me. I want to help you," he said. "Tell me, what's been going on?"

"I've been having nightmares since it all ended... but last night was the worst it's ever been. So vivid. So real. I woke up and thought that's what had actually happened. I thought," I choked, trying not to cry. "I thought you were all dead."

"Tell me what happened, from the beginning," Peter said, taking my hand in his again, gently squeezing it. "You can always tell me anything, Kate."

I took in a deep breath, wiping my tears away. "It started out as us bargaining with Thanos. You, me, my father, and Mr. Stark. We were trying to get the stones back from him, but he refused. That's when I stepped forward and suggested destroying them instead. Thanos said he would, but only if I choose who to kill." I stopped, taking in a shaky breath. "I turned around and he had restrained you three. My dad couldn't use his sorcery or his cloak, you couldn't use your webs, and Mr. Stark's armor was deactivated."

"Thanos made you choose between us..." Peter whispered.

"He told me I had to choose one. All of you talked to me and said whoever I chose wouldn't be held against me, but I couldn't. I couldn't choose. I could never choose. I don't ever want to choose. I'm not like that..."

"I know, Kate," Peter replied, gently pulling me closer. I rested my head on his shoulder. "What happened next?"

"Thanos told me to choose, but I couldn't. So then he conjured all these weapons. Guns, knives, and bats. One for each of you. The guns went off first, all of them hitting Mr. Stark in non-lethal places. Thanos wanted to make him suffer..." Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered my detailed dream. I squeezed Peter's hand. "I saw through his shell, Peter, I saw what was behind that cold exterior... He thought everything was his fault."

"Kate..." Peter whispered. I knew he didn't know what to say.

"It was brutal..." I said breathlessly, trying to keep myself together. "Then, he turned on my father and-" A sob rose in my throat, not allowing me to finish. I squeezed Peter's hand even tighter, trying to hold back sobs.

"Shhhh..." Peter soothed, hugging me tightly. When I calmed down a bit, he took my hand again. "Go on..."

"He made the bats... Beat my father... until he was satisfied, then..." I choked again. "Then he called it mercy... it wasn't mercy." I growled.

"What did he call mercy?" Peter asked.

"He... He bashed dad's skull in..." I sobbed, remembering the vivid images. "Then he turned on you. He gave me a moment to say goodbye," I said, throwing myself into his arms. "I saw pain and fear behind your eyes... You were afraid of death. Afraid of leaving me alone... It broke me. We kissed, and you made me smile and you smiled... in your final moments... you managed to smile..." I sobbed, gripping tightly to him. "All I wanted was for you to hold me one last time but Thanos kept you restrained!"

"Kate, hey, it's alright, I'm here... it was just a dream..." Peter gently rocked me back and forth as he held me tightly.

"Then you panicked when he stabbed you... there were so many knives and so much blood... slow, torturous... painful... I made you look at me and you calmed down a little, but then you were gone... and I woke up. I don't even know if he kept his promise to destroy the stones!"

"Oh, Kate..."

"And when I woke up, I thought it was real. I was sobbing and thought my father was gone until he was sitting in front of me because he heard my screams! And that's why earlier I hugged you and everything and I'm really sorry to put you through this, I love you so much and you shouldn't have to deal with this and-"

"Katelyn, shhh... it's okay, I promise. You could never hurt me, and if you're hurting, I want to help..." Peter sighed. "What I mean is-"

"No, you're making perfect sense," I whispered. "You always make sense..."