" now i have neither happiness nor unhappiness. everything passes.
that is the one and only thing that i have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where i have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.
everything passes. "
- daz...
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a part of you died inside when he told you how pretty she was, or how soft her hands were, it's like he was taking you for granted.
every night, as you sleep beside the bandaged person, you'd have nightmares about him leaving you soon. you'd cry yourself to sleep as the feeling of unworthiness and insecurity fills the empty void in your heart.
you look over to him, you see him sleeping peacefully, a good sight to see. every girl would want someone like him, and yet, you felt like you didn't deserve him at all.
you were shocked to see tears streaming down your face, your eyes diverted to the clock that was hanging on the wall.
three a.m.
you couldn't sleep. the thoughts from overthinking in where, things won't go well for the both of you, in where he had someone else. you couldn't tell him these thoughts in fear of arguments or aggressive quarrels.
you hated yourself for your personality, your looks. you were so disgusted with yourself, you didn't understand why dazai would tell you that he loves you.
you couldn't count how many nights you spent crying yourself to sleep without him knowing, it was pointless anyway. you'd prefer helping yourself than seeking it from others.
your breath hitched. you tried to control your tears. you always told yourself that you can't be sad. be happy for him.
it was always about him.
he deserved better, you knew that. you felt that unexplainable itch around the chest part, a kind of feeling in where your emotional pain turns to physical.
it was a bother.
it was three a.m. and no one was awake at this specific hour. you quickly kissed his cheek, admiring his presence beside you.
it was too bad that, this would be the last. the worst thing was, he was asleep, unaware of your next movement.
you couldn't find a reason to live.
so, you ended your life after spending your last moments with him who was asleep.
