MESSED | ATEEZ ✔

THIRTY-FIVE

I keep bawling on the floor as I put my hand on my chest after San leave me. It's hurt me much and I felt like the whole world hitting me now. They won't me to live here, I felt like I don't deserve to live after what I've done to San.

He's so pure and kind. I shouldn't doing that to him. I already breaking his heart and he fucking hated me now. There was no way to me and him to fix on. I'm hurt by my own fault but it can't compared what I'm done to him.

He said I am whore and where's the lies? I am being what I am.

"Hey, princess what happened? What wrong with both of you? Stop crying, please."

Yeonjun came to me after San going out from the house he immediately brought and hugged me into his arm. He rubbing my back softly and whispering at me that it's okay, nothing to cry on, everything will be fine.

I just stay silent as I let my tears speak for me. I can't believe that one day I'll broke someone heart, I seriously told you I used to hate when seeing people take easy with someone feeling and making a fake hope or everything but in the end, I'll be that person.

Shit! I'm fucked up.

After that I heard Seonghwa told Yeonjun to help me for going upstairs, he said I need to rest, I need to calming myself but it's nothing. I can't pushed away San face from my mind. The last thing he said to me really broke my heart into pieces.

I love him, I really love him.

Can someone told me what should I do after what happened? Well, it's obviously nothing, right? I already in his blacklist fucking bitch. I'm just a piece of shit to him.

As Yeonjun laid me on my bed. I snuggle with my pillow and let my tear down soaking all over my sheet. I trying to closed my eyes as I let myself sleep.

How dare I getting into sleep after doing that?

Fuck Seohyun!

___

San!!!

I screaming his name when I woke up, suddenly I felt like my head will separated into two. I grabbed my head and putting my hands on it as I groan a little. It's too dizzy and heavy, I swear if I walking right now I will falling down.

I looking around my room and suddenly my eyes started to watering again. My breathing was stuck as tight as if I'm dying anyway soon. I punched softly at my chest for help my pity self trying to catch the air.

Suddenly someone stepping inside my room. He was rushing to me as he holding a glass of water. He asked me to have a sipping of water to calming down. I do it as he saying as he keep rubbing circle on my back and waiting me to started breathing properly.

"Feeling better?" Yeonjun asked me after he see me calming down. I nodded weak.

"I did it, I broke his heart." I said short and chuckles a bit as my tears going down on my cheeks like a waterfall.

"Why you do that? Why you make things complicated? Why you break his heart as you know you will getting hurt too, princess?" He said while cupping my face and his thumb doing his job for wiping my tears.

"I don't know, shit! I fucking don't know! It's hurt, Yeonjun. It's too late now. He really hate me, goddamnit!" I said loud as I stroking my hair rough and crying more harder then before because that's the only thing I can do.

"Shhh...don't said like that. If you telling him why you doing that I'm pretty sure he will forgive you, princess." He said to comfort me.

"No, he won't. He said he w-wished t-that he n-nev-never meet m-me." I said with sobbing and I started to hiccuping.

Yeonjun pulled me closer into his body and hugging me tight. He caressed my back and give a kiss on my temple. He know I'm doing this not for my own good but for all. He not blaming me but what I've done it's too much actually.

"You shouldn't be selfish princess, you know him and you gain a trust with him. You should told him before what you've done." He calmly speak up.

"Yeah you right. I'm doomed. I selfish I just thinking about me but not him. He really- love me but I destroyed it." I shaking my head and put my face on my palm. There was nothing I can do.

Yeonjun just stay silence after what I said. He just doesn't know how to react. I not blaming him, he already doing his job but nothing can change. I said I'll not regrets after what I am doing.

Fucking shit! I swear to god I regret it and I hate to admitted that.

___

"Yeonjun."

Yeonjun want to going out but I asked him to keep accompanied me. I just need someone to comfort with as I snuggled into his chest while he keep hugging me like I'm a baby.

"Let's go home." I said almost whispering to him but still he can clearly heard me.

"What?! Are you not kidding me, right?" He pulling me away to looking at my face. I shaking my head which was I serious about what I've told him.

"This is not my place, I'm not belong here and I don't want San feel uncomfortable if I stay here for any longer. I should- go home." I said to him and sat down properly.

"Did your parents comehome from their business trip? I mean you only stay here like a month?" He asked me with his lowered eyebrows, the way he look at me really annoyed me. Am I that pity? I nodded weak as I sighed.

"Can I stay with you? They not going home yet but I don't think I can stay here after what I've done, please." I holding his hand tighter as I looking into his eyes hope he will said yes.

"Fine, we going home. But not today, it's almost 3:00 am now. I will booking the flight tickets tomorrow, Okay?" He sighed and ruffles my hair soft he asked me to sleep first and will talk about this tomorrow. I just smiling soft and nodded my head.

He just sighed for a thousands time before he put a blanket on me and after that he going out from my room. I smiling weak to him and trying to sleep but I can't.

What will happened to San?

Is he going home tonight?

If not, where he getting sleep tonight?

I hope you will be okay, San. I will not forgive myself if something bad happened to you. I want you to know that I love you. I really love you. Please, comeback home. I'm sorry.

Too bad, because I only can say those word in my heart. Obviously he can't heard that even he hear me I don't think he will care. He hate me.

That's the fact.