Right Here

Part 8: Truth Bombs

Walking me to my door, Cassian has my hand in his and I feel...perfect? It's so strange. I don't understand any of this. A few hours ago I was angry with him and scared and yet after lunch and a walk around the park: I feel a deeper connection for him. I feel like...like I used to with Max. Comforted, transparent, wanted, understood. I want to be close to him and express my concerns and needs. Is that crazy?

Am I crazy?

"Thank you lunch, it was quite lovely." I say kindly as I release his hand.

"Thank you for allowing me a chance to apologize." He has a small smile on his face and his dark eyes glimmer in the sun that is casting down through the trees on the sidewalk.

"Well, everyone deserves a chance to be heard." Yet I didn't give one to Max...stupid. I'm so stupid.

"It was nice opening up about my disorder. I don't get the chance to do that very often...and not feel judged for it."

"Well, we each have our own challenges." He seems to linger closer to me and oddly enough, I don't back away. "Would...would you like to come in?"

"Yes, I would." Unlocking my door, I allow him to enter and I feel fogged. I feel like I'm in a dreamscape and anything could happen. In my mind I know I should take thing slowly and cautiously...but at the same time, I don't want too. It's been a long time for me. Very long. Closing the door, I turn and find him right there. His eyes grazing over my body. He removes his jacket and places it on the coat rack. He then slips mine off. Sliding out of my heels, I look up at him and he removes his shoes as well. Everything seems so quiet and slow and yet blaringly loud and racing. A contradiction at best. "So...what do we do now?"

"I think...I have an idea." I whisper ever so quietly. Stepping forward, I deftly move my hands over his chest to his shoulders and slowly bring his face to mine. Pressing a kiss to his lips, it feels so nice. Arms snaking around my waist, he pulls me close and my mind goes blank. The only passing thought I have is which room would be best to be in. I slowly start backing him up towards the kitchen and then make him turn left to head to the spare bedroom. Getting in, I slowly start tugging at his shirt and he mine. We strip while never leaving each other's lips. His hands are on my breasts and my hands sliding his boxers down. Dropping to the bed, he's over top of me: his mouth moving over my body tenderly and yet with a bit of force behind it. I feel him pulsate against me as he presses his pelvis against me. Our hip bones clash and my body hums.

He lines himself up with my sex and pushes in. Oh my God- it's been so long! He starts thrusting into me and I can't help but love it. We continue and as I close my eyes, taking in his touches, I cannot help but picture Max. I see his blue eyes gazing into mine and I feel his strong hands graze my skin beneath his finger tips. I can hear his voice quietly whispering sweet nothings into my ear as he kisses my neck and jaw. I feel him. I see him. Max. Before I know it, I'm falling from my climax and he from his own. As I open my eyes, I'm reminded that it wasn't Max making me feel so amazing- it was Cassian Shin. I shutter a bit. This isn't right. This shouldn't be happening.

He pulls out of me and smiles as he stands and puts his boxers and pants on. I slowly sit up.

"I gotta go." That's it? That's...he...he used me? Yet why am I not surprised. "You have a good night."

Without being able to say anything, he is out of my home before I can even move. That bastard! I fell for his deceitful lies. Why am I shocked? I knew he was a snake and yet, I let myself trust him! I let myself give him what he wanted without even working hard for it! Fuck my life! What is wrong with me? What the Hell? This arsehole manipulated me. Told me what I wanted to hear and then lead me to believe that he actually sort of cared! He is very good at making one believe things that so obviously aren't true. There was never any feeling of love there. There was no true apology. He was playing game like he does with everything. The difference is, he told me flat out that I liked the challenge and that I was a challenge all in myself. He wasn't even trying to hide it and I soaked up every pitiful explanation snd woe is me- from him. I'm so stupid! So really really stupid!