Thank you... (Ateez FF)

I'm fine!!

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

Y/N POV

It was 6 in the morning and i felt like I couldn't move, I felt so numb but it felt so good at the same time I looked over at my arm and see my arm covered with cuts and I smile to myself seeing what I did because it was the only way I feel good about myself.  I just stayed in bed for awhile I didn't feel like getting out of bed yet I kept thinking over and over again If I should just leave this place I didn't even matter. i checked my phone it was already 7 o' clock so I got out of bed not trying to make any noise which I will lead to me getting yelled at so I got ready. I wore jeans a long sleeve shirt and sweater as always. I looked at the mirror and my eyes were puffy and red and a mark on my cheek I had to hid it so I put on Concealer and did some light makeup after. I  put my shoes on while grabbing my bag and walked out of my house with my head hung low but only to see someone in-front of me .

Hongjoong's POV

after yesterday, I wanted to become friends with y/n so I decided to tell the boys that we should go pick y/n luckily there was a lot of time left until school started so once we got to y/n house I got out and was walking towards so steps and she was walking out too so I walked up to her. And see her lift up her head so I decided to speak up.

" hey, do want to Come with us and hang for bit until its time for school ? " I asked

" umm..sure" y/n replied

"okay lets go" I said as I grab her hand gently 

we both got into the car and the boys started greeting her as she started finding a seat which was near Yunho and we started to drive off 

" should we stop off to get coffee" I yelled

"YESSS" replied everyone

Y/N POV

I was sitting next to Yunho and I started to put my ear buds on to listen to my music since it was the only way to calm me  down from my anxiety that was eating me up, but yet I still felt numb at this point I didn't know why. we arrived at the coffee shop and I just sat down I didn't feel like getting coffee I just wasn't in the mood to do anything except for just crying and cutting myself but had to be strong and put up with my fake act of happiness.

" why aren't you getting ordering anything" yeosang asked in a gentle, quite manner

" I  don't have any money and  I didn't want any coffee anyway" I   reliped with a  small  smile  

" I can pay for it" he asked

" no its fine you don't have to" I quickly replied looking down

yeosang grabbed my arm gently which only got me scared by his touch because I was so used to my parents  hitting me  it only got scared at this point I was so afraid of people touching because I always thought it was my parents who were ready to beat me. just thought of this made me let out a few tears which I thought yeosang wouldn't notice but I was wrong. 

" why are you crying, is everything okay, talk to me" yeosang asked in a quiet tone

" I'm fine" I relplied

" no your not just tell I can help you" he responded

I didn't want to tell him because I just so scared that if trust him or everyone else they might just leave or not care about me anymore. I knew it was a risk but I didn't know if I could trust them I just need time.

"How-" hongjoong cut me off by asking

"Come guys let's go school is about to start soon" he said

I got up and walked out along with everyone else. I was not ready to tell yeosang anything. Gosh I wouldn't even be in this mess or even with them if I just died awhile ago.

Yeosang POV
I know there is someone wrong with Y/N but I just need her to tell me what's wrong. maybe if i could get alone with her or try sitting with her in the car she would talk to me at least and try   to open a bit more to me and the boys.

" hyung would you mind if you sat in the front with Yunho pleaseee" I asked while pouting 

" awww okay but why" asked seonghwa 

" I just want to sit with Y/N that's all " I happily asked 

seonghwa just nodded while rubbing my shoulder 

I walked up to Y/N who was almost about to get into the car 

" come sit with please" I pouted 

" o-o- okay" y/n said 

we both got In and sat down and that's when I faced her and started talking 

" please talk to me and tell me what's wrong" I asked in a quiet tone

" I'm fine really its just... school work yea" Y/n said 

" come on Y/N I know its not that please just tell me" I asked in a serious tone 

" HOW can I trust you  I'm just not okay right now " y/n asked in a soft voice fidgeting with her  sleeves of the sweater 

" you can try to get to know me better and I know you aren't okay but that's why I'm trying to help"

y/n just nodded 

Y/N POV 

gosh he really wants to do this and help me win there is nothing he can do about it I just need to work even harder with my fake act of happiness so they suspect a thing. I really can't handle this I need to cut myself it would only make me feel better after all I am fidgeting with my sleeves of my sweater. i took out a small blade I have in my pocket and started to cover my hand with the sleeve so yeosang wouldn't see I knew that I couldn't make to cuts right now but I just need to feel good.  

( I know it was a boring chapter but I just wanted to at least put something up since it has been a while but the next chapter is gonna be a bit more interesting)