Thank you... (Ateez FF)

what i said ♫

to🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀 

It was 6 am she didn't know how long she has been sleeping for. After all the cuts she made, she ended up collapsing on the floor. She needed water. Her stomach growled. she got up and looked at the mirror 

"maybe i should eat something real quick" she questioned 

but in her mind it told her not to so she shook it off and just decided to drink water for now. She decided to start getting ready before she starts getting yelled at for not being ready on time. After getting ready  she opened her door which startled her mom a bit from the sudden movement. 

"Are you ready gosh you take so long" Y/N mom said 

"oh umm.. sorry" y/n said as she was looking down 

she scoffed 

Soon everything was grey .

she couldn't tell what color her mom's sweater was. she was going guess pink. " I been taking the school bus today okay.." Y/N spoke  "ah okay finally so I don't have to be late for work because of you" Y/N mom said as she  left  Y/N  by herself.  

 Y/N felt pain shoot through her heart. the 50th time in weeks. suddenly all of the colors turned even more darker. she blinked. it was slightly hard to see. She went to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. her reflection looking back at her. " so, having a bit trouble there aren't you?" her reflection snickered. she shivered. she was such a coward. she can't even speak up to herself. She felt her hands moving like she was looking for something to only be a blade.she felt the urge to do it but she felt something dripping? she suddenly sliced her skin, it just felt so good and it made her feel alive but make her see the colors again. 

As she felt the vibration in the bathroom of banging on the door she quickly shoved the blade him her backpack and  washed her arm and taken some toilet paper to use for her arms. the door was swung up my a confused little sister. she walked out of the bathroom and into her room and quickly wrapped dried of the blood and look at the deep cuts which were a slightly achievement. Every time any of her friends or family said something, everything turned grey. it was a calm and relaxing like it explained him boring  and quite. She had barely spoken a word since she  has a conversation with jaely and yeosang. She was talking less and stopped causing "drama." She was proud. She was making her and the reflection happy. Obviously it wasn't enough yet to impress her friends. 

Maybe if she was better looking she would get them to talk to her more. She felt more tired lately.She had trouble focusing in class and out of class. Especially after the world went grey. " Jesus Y/N! why would say that?!" 

"GIRL, she was just trying to say  something and give her opinion" 

"Are you trying to defend her or something" her "friend" said as she tossed a glare at Y/N  

 " I'm sick or your screaming" Y/N  was happy 

her world was only a brighter, still dull colored. but it was better than completely black. ever after her friend screaming at her it just made everything pitch black but with a small light peaked around jaely. she could feel her friend get angry but didn't notice. because suddenly the world started to go grey. they left me out of their world, their perfect bubble of happiness, and left me outside in the rain, waiting for the invitation to come inside. sometimes, I could feel my self get to the breaking point, and self-destruct, self isolate, although it would be the same if I weren't to. I often think of what happened- where my life broke down before my eyes, but there was nothing I can do that caused this. 

they would constantly put me down when I achieved something, and telling me I shouldn't even try. " oh my good, you are still here, you ruined the mood" her 'friend' said as she sat down in the lunch table. 

I visibly winced at her cold and harsh tone. 

"just leave" a voice boomed,  multiple voice following after, spitting hateful words and comments.  I stormed into my shelter of safety, although it was not protecting me from the rain. I sat in the table outside in one of the courtyards. all I longed for, was even one sign of affection, I wanted type of comfort. 

the voice in my head spoke 

" why did you even try to sit with them?" 

the more the voices the more it killed me they kept telling me I wasn't good enough, and that I need to try harder, because my I'm letting them down both my friends and parents.  they kept getting loud and only encouraged me to do more things, I couldn't take it. I let my tears go after everything that happened it just made my heart shatter even more. my breathe became more heavy as if I couldn't breathe, I felt my hands pulling on my hair. "p-please m..make it s-stop" I said 

I didn't hear the door open but the only thing I could feel was someone holding me which made me flinch a bit. 

" p-p-please ma-make it stop" I sobbed 

g-go away" I yelled as I kept pulling my hair 

Ateez POV: 

we witness everything that happened at Y/N table we could see the pain she had in her but it just wasn't noticeable for others. after everything she ran out so we had to go find her because it looked like she needed comfort. 

" I know where she could be" yeosang said 

"okay lets go" hongjoong said 

we all followed yeosang through the halls until we made a stop 

" what happened why did you stop?!" Wooyoung yelled 

" shush! and look" yeosang said as he pointed to courtyard 

it was Y/N she looked so drained yet she was crying and shaking so much I couldn't look at her like this so I pushed the boys over to open the door and run to Y/N. 

once I layed my hand on her she flinched which made me frown 

" guys we have to comfort her and help her get over this panic attack" hongjoong said 

" listen to me you are gonna get over this" yeosang said 

" p-p-please ma-make it stop" Y/N sobbed

g-go away" Y/N  yelled as I kept pulling my hair 

We all looked at each confused but concerned.