Celestial Heartbeat (Book One) COMPLETE

Chapter Seven - Dark Days

My heart caught in my throat.

"Excuse me?"

"The drink, do you want it? It's not bad" Ren grabbed his own drink and slid the second closer to me. I just stared at him in disbelief.

"You're joking, right?"

He had to be joking.

"The drink? No it's all yours. Sheesh, are you always this difficult?" He continued playing dumb and sipping away on his beer.

"You're going to die?"

"Evie, everyone is going to die, don't be so dramatic"

"But..."

I could see it in his eyes. Even though Ren was joking around and poking fun at me he had a deep, hollowing sadness that lay within his eyes, no amount of joking would make it budge.

"Does this mean you'll be my distraction?" He grinned.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, hoping that somehow I'd be back in his head again and find out what was going on. I wanted to know what was happening, what he was thinking. But there was no spark, no ache. No magic. Just Ren’s hand, warm, tense and just a little course to touch.

"Is... That a yes?" He said in a confused tone, looking down at our hands.

"I... I thought I might be able to read your thoughts again...” I glanced sideways at Amber, she didn’t seem to notice anything wrong with the topic. “To see what you really thought... About dying."

Ren pulled his hand away

"Not that again." He shrugged away from me, returning to his game of pool with Amber. He got a ball in, and then missed on his second go, cussing quietly. "I thought I told you not to try that again anyway. Do you have any idea of how much it hurts to have someone go through your head? There's barely enough room for me in this thing."

He seemed to be disappointed that that’s why I’d grabbed his hand, but he turned his attention to the pool table, not saying anything to me.

Ren started growling a little bit, baring his teeth as Amber had a successful streak. Ren didn't seem to care about the mind reading talk in front of her. All he ever cared about was winning. In normal circumstances I would have worried about talking in front of Amber, but I knew I'd never have to see her again and at worst she'd just think me to be insane. But Amber was the least of my worries.

I felt sick.

Part of me wanted to give up on answers and leave, but the other part... The other part of me wanted to stay with Ren in the stupid dingy little pub and keep him company.

I didn't want to pity him. I knew he’d hate that. But as I sat back quietly and watched Ren play his game of pool it was like there was a whole other side of him. Every action he seemed to take was over ruled by an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. His movements were borderline sluggish, his tone lacked basic motivation and more often than not he joked around or was sarcastic, hiding behind his wit. They were things that would sometimes go unnoticed, but I could recognize them straight away. I knew because it was exactly the way that I had acted the first couple of years after dad was gone. Everything felt helpless, pointless, but I had to at least attempt to continue normal life. I guessed that’s how Ren might have felt too.

I'd always assumed Ren to be bitter, and indeed he was, but maybe with good reason. Anyone would be angry if they were dealt that same hand. It was enough to make me forget about my ordeal from the weekend for a little while. Ren was proving to be my distraction, ironically.