The Man In A Fedora

Chapter 13: New Old Friend

05/02/2019

I woke up with the sound of my own heartbeats, trying to remember the dream that caused it to beat this loud.
Everything was blurry and dark.
Feeling my soft bedsheet under my body made me feel a lot better.
My senses got activated one by one.
I felt a warmth next to me.
Then,I breathed the woody cologne mixed with menthol in.
There was something so familiar about it, the scent was linked to some of the most intense memories of mine.
I was getting higher the more I smelled it. After a minute, the owner of the smell was clear enough in my mind to send shivers down my spine.
I opened my eyes quickly.
He was lying next to me,staring at the ceiling. Was hard to guess what he was thinking of.

"H-Harold." I whispered hesitantly.

He quickly turned his head to me.
"Hi." he whispered back.

My heartbeats sounded so loud in the dead of night, loud enough for him to hear.
Street lights leaking through the window were hitting on his face, revealing his little grin.

"Chill out, I don't bite." he said,piece of his hair fell down on his face.

"I wasn't expecting you after, you know, what happe-"

"It was immature and selfish, I'm sorry."  he quickly said.

"Still, I wasn't expecting you this soon. You could've waited until the morning." I said, fixing his hair. His rebellious curls fell down again.

"Soon?" he chuckled.
"For you."

He was only gone for a couple of hours for me but time was working differently for him.

"How long did it take for you to decide you're gonna sneak into my bed?" I asked, raising my brows.

"Two seconds ,two weeks.Who knows, maby two years." he said, flashing his green eyes at me. I once again got lost inside them.

"I thought I've lost you." I said, couldn't help but stuttered.

"I know, not gonna lie I thought of disappearing. But I found myself lying next to you." he said, casually putting his hands under his head.

"Do you have the answer why?" I asked, whispering gently.

"Stella, I'll be clear with you. I had like an eternity to think about it and I came up with a conclusion that..."

He gulped the imaginary lump on  his throat down, his chin trembled for a second before he continued.

"You and I, we'll never be 'us'."

I could hear my blood flowing through my veins, creating a loud sound on my neck.
That was also known as a pulse, but a short word like pulse wasn't enough to decribe that feeling.
Didn't know for how long I remained silent.
It was like slowmotion, waiting for my brain to digest what his words actually meant, waiting for my soul to digest the breakup.

"So you're leaving." I hardly managed to say.

Putting the words together, even the simplest ones, was hard for me.
There was a hurricane growing inside me, shattering every memory,destroying everything.
"STAY!" the skies growled,
"STAY!" the butterflies cried as the wind blowed them away.
"Stay." I whispered, no one heard.

"If I could, I would've been gone by now.  It's not the case." he said, glanced away quickly as his eyes found mine.

I exhaled realising I hadn't been breathing for the past thirty seconds.
As always ,I couldn't get where he wanted to go with our conversation.

"Stella, we both know we have no future. No need to whistle in the wind." he said,glancing away.

"What do you mean?" I asked, putting a serious expression on my face.