The Man In A Fedora

Chapter 19: Unintended Words

06/03/2019

-What do you mean? How could you sell that house?!

I furiously yelled into my phone.
It hit me like a gun shot to the heart when I saw that house advertisement.
They were selling grandpas house.
Without even asking.

-I'm sorry Stella, but your grandpa is not here anymore. We need some cash honey.

-No, I can pay you. You can't just sell my memories like that.

-Please don't make this any harder for us baby.

-Harder?! Let me laugh. You don't even care, do you?

-Don't be rude. It's my father you're talking about. Of course I care.
Even he would agree on selling the house if he could see us.

-When was the last time you cared about his opinion anyways? Cause I think I missed it.

I turned the phone off.
I was breathing fire.
Was it just me overreacting or was everybody else too careless?
Just like every other time, I looked for someone to blame instead of myself.
And I blamed him, I blamed Harold for that.
Deep down I hated him for ruining my grandpas life.
Was he that careful not changing the future of him?
I had doubts cause one thing that I knew about him and one thing he always reminded me about himself was the fact that he was selfish.
I knew it was my grandpa letting him ruin his life but it wasn't fair.

Having my arm pulled by him the moment I thought about him made me freeze for a while.
I felt ashamed of my thoughts as if he had the ability to read them.
The displeased look on his face didn't just maximise the shame I felt but also made me feel guilty for having these opinions.
At first glance, all that I could see in his eyes was anger.

"What do you think you're doing?Where's your mind?!" he yelled.
His eyes were spitting fire and not knowing what caused him to get that upset was scaring me.

Gulping back everything I wanted to scream out,
"What?" I said.
I locked my timorous eyes on his.
I didn't know what was on the way but I could sense the storm coming."

Looking away for a second
"Why the hell did you paint me, ha?" he yelled. Taking a second glance at his face, all that I could see was disappointment.
And it was driving me crazy to see that I was the one that caused it.
I had no idea why he was being so harsh on me cause in my mind I was completely innocent.

"Calm down Harold!" I yelled back.
My fragile state of mind at that moment was making it harder for me to tolerate his agressive attitude. I just was not trained for this side of his.

Wandering around in circles
"I can't stella alright I can't. How many times do I have to warn you to understand how serious this is?!" he said.

His unnecessary anger was triggering me, making me direct all my negative energy towards him.
"I don't understand! What did I do again?" I remonstrated, opening my arms widely.

Holding me by my shoulders
"Can't you take this shit seriously for once?! You're risking me, us and everything I have!" he bawled.

The closer he got to me the more irritating his words became.
Knowing him as a man that always watches his tone and language, my eyes were widening in shock.
There was an invisible bridge between our eyes connected right into our hearts. And every bad word he said while we keep that eye connection was creating another wound right on my pride.

Pulling myself away from him harshly
"Don't yell at me! I didn't do anything wrong!" I yelled.

Lowering his voice
"How can you display that painting of yours?" he asked.
That volume change didn't do any difference at the sharpness of his tone.

My eyes expanded double in size.
"What?! Get your facts straight before you blame someone! Do you think I'm stupid enough to risk you by showing it to the world?! " I cried.
His stupid accusations about me were not just hurting my pride but also getting me all steamed up.
Didn't know how much time left until I leave the breaks and explode but I had a feeling it was going to be soon.

"Then how the hell future people will be discovering it?"he sighed, as if it was my duty to find an answer to that.

I was so sure that he was exaggerating things again, it was his personality trait.
Folding my arms and making sure I looked indifferent
"What will that even change?!" I asked.

My short selling attitude triggered him even more.
Acrimoniously looking at me
"People of my time do not think it is a coincidence when they see a painting of a man they think is dead. How will this painting get discovered?!" he said.

I didn't have the strong will to stay calm. My anger level was increasing to maximum that I couldn't take it anymore. If there was one person to blame for all of these, it was him and he had zero rights to come at me like this. Especially not when he ruined my grandpas life.
A moment of lighning strike...
Hate that I had gathered conquered my mind,made me say things I never wanted to say.

Real Stella within me watched me as I said
"I don't know! IT'S YOUR JOB TO FIGURE THAT OUT! You know what, I'm so sick of you blaming me all the time !Sick of your paranoia and shit!
I've been tolerating you just because I PITY you, how fucking LONELY you are ,but I'm done with it. I wish I never met you!Get out of my life cause you're ruining it!".

She watched the words go out one by one through a frosted glass.
She watched the man she likes break into pieces in a blink of an eye.

I was nothing more than a coward for using his weak spots as a weapon to hurt him.
Once again, I put a blame on someone else when I was the only one to blame.
It was my mistake to ruin my grandpas life and it could never be changed.

I could tell how broken he was by the shattered look on his face.
Remorse struck when he looked at my eyes desperately to check if I was lying or not.
He wanted them to deny.
I'd do anything to take my words back but once an arrow is out of the bow, there was no way to take it back.
My whole body was numb and so were my eyes.

He could've said something, could've stormed out but instead he chose to do the worst.
He chose to stay silent.
And now I was afraid, afraid that I could lose him forever.
I turned back as a reflex, trying to put my words together.
I had to fix that awful mess I've created.
I could hear the footsteps getting further and further till they stopped making any sound.
I quickly turned to him as the fear seperated through my bones.
I tried to run into his arms before he vanished away. But I was too late.
My legs were shaking.
"Harold STAY!" I cried.

I could hear the sound of my own voice.
Knowing these words would never reach him made my heart ache but I couldn't let him go that easily. In my mind, somehow he could still hear me.
Tears started to stream down my face as the realization hit me.
It was a brutal one,that left me guiltier than ever.
I called his name out again and again in a row.
I kept crying my feelings out to an empty hall.

"That's so not true. I lied! No,no please STAY! Where are you going?! I love you,please come back! Harold I love you so much!"