Satanborn

Love or Lust

We ran into the apartment, Lily was in front of me and the second we cleared the door I closed it behind me and felt Lily slam me against the door. Then she did the same but with her lips, slamming them right onto mine. I tried my best to not let any moans escape. I knew that what she was doing now wasn't loving me. She wanted to fuck me. I didn't want that. But I couldn't say no, it was just too amazing. Lily grabbed me by my hips and lifted me so my legs were wrapped around her hips. We continued making out for a few more minutes, I could feel myself suddenly start grinding on Lily. I didn't want this either. Now I realized that I also wasn't feeling love, this was pure lust. Lily wanted to fuck me and I wanted her to fuck the shit out of me. But this wasn't right. It shouldn't feel like this. Lily carried me into her room and slammed me on her bed. Then she started kissing me on the jaw, then my neck, slowly running her hand down to my pants. That's when instinct kicked in. I grabbed her wrist before it could make it to a place where I couldn't stop it.

"Not like this," I whispered, still holding the moans trying so hard to escape.

"What?" I saw her lift her head from my neck in confusion.

"I said not like this. I love you. I don't want to ruin it by us fucking. I want to make love to you not fuck you. You aren't ready for that yet. So it's not happening today. Or at least not right now," I said looking down at her still holding her wrist tightly even though a huge part of me wanted to let go and let her keep going.

"Seriously?" I heard her sigh into my neck sending chills down my whole body.

"Yes, trust me I want this just as much as you do. But honestly, I know what I'm feeling right now and it's not love. I want us to make love... not fuck," I said seriously.

"Fine. Can we at least cuddle considering you kind of cockblocked me?" Lily asked.

I laughed and nodded. Lily climbed back up and put her arm around me.

"Hey Jessie," I heard Lily say softly.

"Yeah," I answered.

"How will I know when it is love and not lust? When it does happen?" Lily asked with actual curiosity in her voice.

"Trust me you'll know," I said as we both drifted off into sleep.