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🄲🄷🄰🄿🅃🄴🅁 ❏ 12

" NAANAA" I hear being said and repeated over and over again.

" NAANAA"

" NAANAA"

I can barely hear it sounds like my ears are full of water probably my tears.

I feel arms wrapped themselves around me and I flinch back out of shock and not know who it was.

" shh it's me it's me" Liiric says while starting to hug me tighter.

" cici" I say crying into her hoodie.

" hey let's go my cars right there just one flight of stairs left" Liiric says as she helps me get up from the floor.

Liiric holds my hand down the steps and all the way to her car.

We sit in silence for awhile she didn't even start the car yet she breaks the silence by asking

" you wanna talk about it ".

" I can't it's to fresh and it hurts so much" I say still crying.

" And that's completely fine just know that I'm here when you're ready" Liiric says as she starts the car and starts to drive away from the hospital.

It starts to rain not even 30 seconds later wow sky way to fit my damn mood.

I lean my head on the window and watch the rain fall and just think about what happened and cry the more I let it out now hopefully the easier it is to talk about it.

* FLASHBACK TO EARLIER *
SANAA POV
I feel Nicholai move around under my arm so I sit up.

" Hey " He says.

" Hey how are you feeling" I say shyly remembering what happened earlier.

" Sooo we love each other" I say.

"Yup " he answers back.

" That's nice" I say with my voice cracking a little.

" Look NaaNaa I don't think that this is what you think it is " Niccy says as he sits up.

" What do you mean" I ask while completely getting off the hospital bed.

" I love you Naa but I'm not in love with you " Nicholai says sighing.

"Ooook I'm not in love with you either" I say mumbling trying to hide my hurt and end the conversation but Nicholai keeps going.

" You know your just not my type Sanaa like we've know each other for 12 years it wouldn't really work you're move like family plus I like my girl on more of a skinny side and your just not it like when we had that piggy back race my back was really sore after plus like Naa your pretty and all but I'm more of a beautiful type of guy you know I go for Victoria Secret model's I mean you are like one too but like the ones they show around Christmas and Thanksgiving that scream it's ok to be fat for the holidays you know us it could never work I'm sorry love you though" Nicholai says just be plain fucking hurtful.

I guess the hurt and anger are shown on my face because he starts to talk again.

" I didn't mean to offend just make it know that we could never happen because I'm to good for you and you'll never measure up to my standards or the standards of my family like my mom does see you as a daughter but not a daughter in law hear the difference so don't be so hurt Naa it's not that serious me and you are not that serious you could die and I'd maybe drop a tear at your funeral and I said maybe" Nicholai says.

Just when I think he finally will shut up he starts talking again.

" What did you actually think that this would be a Netflix movie and that those 12 years would mean that we would get married be in a relationship fall in love with each other to be completely honest your just fun to toy with and your Xai's cousin so I put up with you for all this time but your a big girl now and big girls can handle the truth or at least I hope you can it would be a shame if you couldn't that would be sad you would be the equivalent of a two year old" Nicholai says but oh no he's not done yet he keeps going.

" I should take a picture of your face right now and caption it 12 year stand because you mean as much to me as a one night stand and weigh as much as 12 12 year olds like seriously when I go to the gym come with me and and since I'm already telling you the truth why don't I shed some more light you are loud and you talk entirely to much is it a southern thing I mean your family is from Texas it must be a country thing but let me tell you it is a bad habit no you know what let me say one more thing and stop here I have never loved you I never will love you I tried to let you off easy with a fake I love you but it just got boring to me at this point Sanaa I don't want you near me again it's tiring now I've had enough I felt like I was stuck in a rerun of a tv show get out" Nicholai says hopefully finished for real.

I stand there looking at him shocked.

I scoff before I say " You know what Nicholai I'm so glad you cleared up how you really felt before I could look any more stupid spending more time with you I don't know what's wrong with you but just know when you finally come to your damn senses I'll be out of reach you can sit here and fire shots at me all damn day and I won't give a flying fuck and after this you can try to speak to me and I still won't give not one flying farting fuck I could die and you would t drop a tear 12 year fucking stand I'm glad you could get all that off your chest I- you know what I don't even have the energy to sit here and yell at you or talk to or even breathe the same fucking air as you right now I- I " I try to keep up a strong front but it started to tumble down and the tears start to fall down 12 fucking years we had 12 fucking years.

As soon as me and Nicholai make eye contact he starts to switch up with is confusing ass hell but something I don't have time for right now.

I walk towards the door quickly trying to leave the room as fast as I can.

" кролик кролик I come back I didn't mean it like that кролик don't be mad I didn't mean it" Nicholai says trying to come after be but is in to much pain.

" It's fine Nicholai I'm probably just over reacting but you know how weak I can be and how over emotional I'll get over it eventually but for now I think it's just better that I don't hurt myself to much with this and please stop trying to come after me it sends the wrong message and you're going to hurt yourself" I say as I walk out of the door. 

" кролик кролик кролик " I hear nicc- Nicholai yelling in the distance.

* FLASHBACK OVER *

Thinking back I shouldn't have said it was fine it's not fine it's anything but fine I'm fucking hurt and I have a right to be.

I messed up now he's going to think it's ok to just say anything he wants to to be when that's not the fucking case I'll just make it clear next time when I'm emotionally stable.

What I just said right now shows I'm not it's like a reflex forgive him it's Niccy you love each other it wasn't that serious when it's fucking serious.

I messed up I messed up I messed up.

I can't breathe all of a sudden I try to breathe struggling to get any  air .

" Naa calm down it's ok " I hear Liiric say beside me but it seems like hear her voice anything even the radio is just making it harder to breathe.

My vision starts to become blurry and it feels like everything has a pulse just pounding racing and move with my heart.

It gets so loud that it's to the point where I only hear my heart and the sound of me struggling to breathe.

𓆉 𝒩𝒶𝒶𝒩𝒶𝒶