After Hours

39. Rewind

She didn't cry.

When she had found out the news about the pregnancy, she didn't cry. When she had told Elijah the truth, she didn't cry. When she was ordered to leave by the one person that made her feel whole alone, she didn't cry.

Rainy only cried when she couldn't breathe, or when she felt like she was falling apart at the seams. She felt weak when she cried, so she didn't allow herself to cry often.

It was when he let go out her neck, and familiar gentle lips grazed against her supple skin, that the first heartbreaking sob shattered the room.

She was falling apart.

"Get off." Rainy whispered sniffling, the shakiness made it impossible to say the words fully. "Please, get off me."

She didn't feel like herself. And she hated him for it.

Silver pulled out to look down at her, his dark gaze solely on her. The hot tears were slipping down her face, and she was biting down on her lip to control the sobs from making any noise.

"I-I don't want this." She swallowed, shaking her head. They were standing so close to each other, however, in that moment all she wanted to do is hide. Usually she felt small next to him, but this was a different kind of small.

"What are you talking about?" He replied steadily, his rough hands landing on the sides of her arms.

The rubbing motion started, trying to calm her down. His touch burned her skin, leaving behind flames that were so hot she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"I mean this Silver, I don't want this. I don't want you if this is the only version of you that I'll ever get."

Silver closed his mouth, unable to say any words. He couldn't try even if he wanted to.

She didn't need him to say anything.

"I don't want to do this, I don't want you to touch me. Not if it's going to be like this." Her bottom lip quivered, her hands going to smooth down the front of his chest. She took her mind away from the tears for a moment feeling his hard muscles beneath the material. Eyes focused on the lint on his shoulder, she didn't dare to look up at him.

"-Not if you're going to push me away, to the point where I don't know what to feel. I'm prideful, I'm stubborn. I can be a real fucking bitch sometimes." She continued, she was surprised she could say what she needed to say without fumbling. "But I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this half-arsed version of you. One day you want to fuck me; and the next, you don't want me around you. Why is that? Because I'm annoying? Because I'm childish?"

The bitterness was seeping into her words, mixing in with broken cries.

"I never said that." Silver's voice was rough and hoarse. He didn't like the way she was refusing to look at him, he didn't like it but he didn't want to upset her more so he didn't move her head to look over at him.

He didn't think she was childish, sure they clashed sometimes and he was aware of their age difference. However, the last thing he thought was that she was childish.

She was the one that had told Elijah.

She was the one that had acted like a mature adult, and listened to him when he told her to leave.

Rainy laughed shortly, breath hitching as she suppressed her sobs. "You didn't have to say it. You never have to say it when I know that's what you're thinking."

"Rain... That's not what I think about you." His hand left her arms, and made it up to her face. Cupping the side of her face, his thumb grazed under her eyes swiping at her cheek. Her failure forced more tears to flow, and sobs to racked in her throat like thick hiccups. "Don't cry baby."

There was no hint of sarcasm to his words.

For once, Silver was taking it seriously.

"But then you're like this and you make me forget about everything. I hate this version of you the most Silver." She whimpered when she heard the silly pet name, it caused a tremor to shake her body violently. The new sobs were louder, and harder to control.

Rainy knew this wasn't like her, no, she was the one that told her friends off when they behaved like this. She scolded them when they let one person cloud their mind, and stop them from thinking logically.

She was sweet; a kind soul. She liked to believe that everyone deserved second chances, anyone had the ability to redeem themselves.

"This whole thing has made me realise just how shitty I can be, I cheated on someone. Do you understand that Silver? I lied and cheated."

Seeing her breakdown before him was different this time, it was different because the reason behind her breakdown was him. He had caused this, her bright, fiery self was nowhere to be found.

The word vomit was pouring out of him, he was blinded by all of her. He could barely keep it together and her last confession sent him over the edge.

He most definitely was not thinking logically either.

Because the next three words that left him made her heart stop completely.

"I love you."

Even though the burst of emotion that shot through her in that moment was enough to make her feel elated with joy and ecstasy. She shook her head, she didn't want the temporary satisfaction of his words to last only for a few seconds.

That was the last thing she wanted to hear.

"You did it again." She scoffed, tearing her attention up to look over at him. Her angry dark eyes on his, she pushed his chest hard forcing him to back up from her. "You're fucking doing it again Silver!"

He hadn't even stepped fully back before she shoved him harder. She couldn't breathe, he was everywhere.

Rainy couldn't help the scream she let out, her wild hair sticking to her face.

"Calm down." He boldly uttered, reaching for her.

"-No! You don't get to do that to me! You love me?" She spat out, screaming louder. "You don't love me, not when you treat me like I'm some kind of rag doll. You haven't said a word and you want me believe that this is how you love. You're a fucking coward."

As he looked into her unreadable eyes, he couldn't decipher what he was seeing. She had stopped screaming, her voice going dry and the soft sniffles racking through her. The anger that flamed her chest had turned into hurt.

Her heart was breaking - the iron hold he had on it was crushing her - she was pushing her emotions to the side.

They could hear the sounds of the door being opened and loud noises nearing the lecture hall, signalling that the next lecture was about to start soon.

"I have enough respect for myself to know this isn't what I want." Her tone returning to its cold neutrality. "I don't want you. I don't need you."

She stood frozen, on the edge of flight with only his controlled voice grounding her relentlessly. "So that's it?"

Her heart clenched at the sincerity of his statement, he had said it in a way that she wanted to start weeping all over again.

Light poured into the dim room and students started to enter through the double doors. The bustling making them separate instantly, although they didn't break eye contact.

He didn't need to hear her answer verbally to already know what it was.

She was the first to look away.