Karina.
"Karina stop eating the cookie dough before you get sick!"
"But mom, it's so good,how come I can't eat it"
" 'Cause then we won't have anymore left for the cookies" she moved the bowl from in front of me.
"You know mommy, I'm never moving away from you and daddy. Even when I get old."
" We can be old together" she smiled showing her perfect smile.
"I love you, and daddy...to the moon and back!"
*
My eyes fluttered open adjusting to my abnormally bright room. I turned to see that I fell asleep with my lamp on.
I squinted my eyes and sat up, leaning back onto my headboard.
I thought about my dream.
For three days straight I'm been having the same dream, over and over.
I remember that day perfectly. It was my moms birthday and my dad made an attempt to make dinner for us.
Considering that he was a horrible cook, he burned everything.
He felt bad and didn't want my mom to cook anything, so he went out to get dinner and my mom and I made cookies to kill time.
Although it's a small memory, every moment with my parents was significant.
I smiled at the thought of my parents then slowly frowned remembering that they're gone.
Both of my parents died in a car crash, and today made it four years.
Till this day I still can't gather together that I lost both of them at the same time. But, it gets a little easier when I don't think about it at all.
But today I decided that I'm gonna make today a good day. For myself, my brother and my parents.
I walked to my closet and pick out an oversized black sweater, and dark denim jeans and put them on my bed.
After I got out out the shower and put my clothes on, I re-did my ponytail putting some edge control on my edges.
I grabbed my phone off the charger, my purse and my coat then walked outside.
I looked across the street to some girls house and spotted my one and only ex-boyfriend, Michael.
Just my luck, my car door was frozen shut so I couldn't get it open in time.
Typical Manhattan weather in the winter.
"Karina, how you been?"
I sighed, "I'm good Michael, I'm great"
"You look good-"
"Stop" I shook my head, "I hope all is well with you"
I know, and I'm pretty sure he's aware that I'm lying through my teeth. However, I am a child of God so I won't say what I would like.
Luckily, with enough force my car door opened and I got in.
After getting a latte from Starbucks, I made my way to work.
"Aye, who told you to come in later today?" DJ questioned
"DJ shut your lightbulb ass up" Endeah added
Before he could say anything else Endeah dragged me away.
"Ri, Kayden came in earlier," she started "he didn't look too good"
I looked at her confusedly. "Call him later"
As hard as it is, I decided not to think too much about what she said.
*
After a sort of boring day at work, all I wanted to do was sleep. August and I were locking up today so luckily I didn't have to do much cleaning.
Ever since Mrs. Elise gave August the job almost two months ago, he's been working his ass off. She loves him, she thanked me a million and one times for bringing him back.
I can say that he is good to have around. With him and DJ together, Im nearly dying by the end of the day from laughter.
I put the last of the food away while August took care of the dishes.
I went into the coat room and all of a sudden, everything hit me.
This was the first time I cried over my parents since they died.
"Aight Kay, I'm do-"
"Did I do something wrong? All this time I was a good child I loved them so much...I don't get it! It still hasn't even registered that they're gone! I don't have anyone left August. Kayden won't talk to me anymore...about anything, I'm alone, so all I do is sit. Everyday drowning, in my own thoughts but no one can see me Aug. There's no one to see me. I have people who I know care for me but I've never been convinced that there's anyone who can possibly understand what the hell goes on in my head. I'm 21 years old and I feel like I don't have much longer. Is this how it's supposed to go!? You go this long time, expecting people to always be there...until you wake up one day and you lost them. And there's nothing! You can do about it. And now you go the rest of your life living with anxiety, that anyone who you take the time to build something with, will leave you too. And it becomes this huge cycle. Why is it so hard?"
By now, I was choking on my own tears and I could barely see anything due to how much I was crying. But I can only imagine August looking at me like I was crazy.
I stood there ashamed, silent. Not even searching for any type of response. I don't know what I was searching for. I just needed for someone to hear me.
I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. I couldn't even say anything. And I hate, that August had to see and hear that.
I quickly grabbed my things putting on my coat and attempted to leave.
He stood in front of me giving me the same look it seemed everyone had been giving me today.
"Stop cryin' Karina"
What he didn't understand was that I couldn't. I just felt broken and exhausted. Mentally and physically.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders hugging me.
"Give it time."
I cried on his chest hoping that more time would help.
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•
Aw poor Karina. This chapter was actually kind of sad to write.
I know I haven't updated in a while so I hope this will help you guys forgive me.
I tried not to make it too cliche and emotional soooo let me know what you guys think.
And No Aug and Karina aren't dating so no assumptions.
T-Breezy
