In response

Songs and silence

The walls are thin..Just as the whim..
To listen in..When I shouldn't..

Slithering my way into their inner personal life..
Shouldn't but I do, and I know it isn't right..

At least I leave it all unsaid..
Not a peep till I'm dead..
Left it there in my head..
Deserted..

In the beginning I knew it was wrong..
Yet I still listened to the secret songs..
Words not meant to be heard..
Forbidden songs of birds..

I started with my parents..
I moved onto my brothers..
Listened in on arguments..
And then moved onto others..

Back then I sought power..Some kind of control..
A way to overpower them..Without the physical..

I used to feel so powerless..Wanted some way to defend myself..
And words can be a weapon..When you know how to use them..

Never sung their songs to anyone else..Only sung a few threats..
Threats weren't really the best thing to do..But that's what I grew up with..
And that's what everyone else did..at that time.

Surrounded by violence.
Valued for my silence.

Not proud of what I did..But I was just a kid..
With really bad influences..and a lot I hid..
I've grown from then, in a positive direction.
I'm not the same person that I was.

Though, I never did get into gossip
It was never really my thing
Family gossip was wildfires
Most of it started by liars
And I just got so tired with it all

There was a point they all just confided in me
I was their pillar of support and secret keeping
I thought back then that I could carry the sky for them
That I Could carry it all

I knew too much
and I was the one
to crumble and fall

With no one there to save me
When I was up against the wall
Screaming for help
Breaking down
Trapped in a hell
Within myself

Pulled myself back together though I wanted to die
For what's the point of such a meaningless goodbye?

If no one cares, what good does it bring?
Giving up a story, a song, that I wanted to sing
No one knew, all that I had seen

The years spent standing in the rain
And the broken picture frames
Of my fractured hope for who I'd be

Rain of tears pour down my face
Was I just to be another teen suicide case
End my life to just take out a waste of space

Could I really be ok
with fading away
So early in the game?

I saved myself From a tomb
A meaningless end, And
A meaningless existence

Dear Lord, how I needed a real therapist
But as with everyone else in my life back then
I was the one being it.

Me and myself That's all I had
But having what I have now
Living ain't so bad
I'm grateful and glad
That I'm still here
And found people
Who actually care
About my well being
And if I were to disappear

My past is super depressing..Said to be really sad to hear
I'm mostly happy now so I don't nearly shed as many tears
I've gone through and learned a lot over the years
And more often than not It's helped me help my peers

I have a lot of things and people I didn't have before
And now I don't hate the person in the mirror anymore
I made mistakes, I'm human, that's what we're known for