Wolfblood: A way back

Chapter 12: I have a job to do

Jana's P.O.V

'I'm sorry Maddy, sorry Rhydian.'

I failed them. Both of them, Rhydian will never forgive me, Maddy could be hurt or in danger; all because I didn't take charge of her like I should have done in the first place; like my birth mother told me:

"A true leader does what is right, she fights for what she believes in and I know that you'll do just that. Take care of your father for me, Jana." I can see her beautiful face again, touch her beautiful long red hair (like my own) and feel her love and her huge heart again.

Those were her final words to me before she died; my father was never the same from that day on, he treated the pack like dirt and his slaves, but when mum was alive he was kind and loving, nothing like what he became. I've even failed my own mother; I don't have a father anymore, I can barely rule over my own pack like the true leader she envisioned I would become, who am I? what am I even doing that's right?

*****

"Alpha." Aran and Meinir kneel before me.

"Rise. What do you wish to report?"

Aran and Meinir stand up again and respect me as their Alpha.

"The cubs are with the rest of the pack, they're settling in."

"Their names are Cadwr and Gwyn, they will need some time to get used to us."

Aran and Meiner nod their heads in agreement (Aran and Meiner have been a challenge for me, they haven't accepted, nor supported me as leader that well, hopefully that will change).

"You may return to your duties." I set them free from our discussion.

Aran and Meiner begin to leave me, until Aran stops and turns back to face me again.

"Is there anything else that we can do for you Alpha?" Aran is delicate with his words.

"Please call me Jana. Yes, you can help me, please gather the pack together, I need to speak with them."

"Now?" Meinir asks.

"No. Give the cubs a while to get comfortable, I'll talk to them later."

Once again; Meiner leaves, Aran stays looking at me, coming forward he begins to kneel again, I stop him and keep him standing by locking my hand on his arm.

"You're going back out there aren't you?"

"I have to find her. I'm doing it for her and Rhydian, for my friends."

"Your human friends?!" Aran's turning a little tense now.

"Wolfblood or not they were like a pack to me, just like you, Meinir, Bryn, the cubs and all the rest are, they're my family too. If you won't accept them then fine, I will." Aran and I have had a few arguments in the past, but this really takes the cake.

"I apologise." Aran looks ashamed of himself; no matter what goes wrong between us he always regrets the darkest parts of himself that I am forced to look upon.

"You don't have to apologise to me. Aran... I am your leader but you're a Wolfblood just like I am, you don't have to be pushed around by me, not like how you were with my father."

Aran has nothing to say to me, I've only maybe made things worse for him. He's my pack; my family, my mother also told me that family and friends are what's the most important part of your life, you should never give up on them.

Instead of talking I go up to him and hold him tight with my two arms; hugging him close takes away the misery and pain, I feel better now. When we are parted everything feels different, after a minute of anger it's all faded away and all is well, just as I want it to be.

*****

I remember what it was like when my father was leader: the day my mother died my father was heartbroken; I knew it, despite him trying to mask it with every inch of his inner beast. Later that day Aran and Meinir took me away and looked after me; they used to do that from then on, whether my father told them to or not and they were like my own mum and dad (though they were both only 15 and I was about to turn 10) and I liked it, they made me happy and were there for me; though their day came along just as my father's did, they turned into monsters just like he did- I had just turned 14 and was learning from my father to be leader one day- I hated it, I was alone in a dark room again; there was no light and no door to the outer light and the bright hot yellow sun, for years I still believe that I am trapped in there. Until now.

I sit there turning the pages of my sketchbook, Rhydian drew a picture of the five of us; it's my favourite, it reminds me of how I found new pack, a new family and I was brought into the light, joining the pack again has put me back inside and shut the door in my face again; I want out, I can feel myself banging on the door and my voice carries to no soul and I can feel nothing but fear and unmitigated dismay.

Now memories are what keep me from falling back into that deep emptiness and giving up again; the memories of my friends, my family and if I must break the rules as Alpha by deserting the pack to be reunited with them again... then....

'I'm going home.'