Chasing Sunsets

Goddamn Metaphorical Dams -Amber

Okay, maybe it was a little bit because of the ice cream. The whole stupid clump just gone in a second. You know that feeling you get when, your so upset and distraught that even the littlest things seem to set you off? That's me. I cry hysterically, tears once again blurring my vision, hot liquid burning my face. Hiccuping, I glance at Kayla pitifully, expecting to see her 'Meltdown Shutdown' face, tense but unyielding. I'm wrong because there are tears in her eyes, and her throat bobs nervously, swallowing the salty liquid, probably some mucus and saliva too. "Kayla!" I cry, the metaphorical dam that held all my sadness has long since broken and everything spirals out of control. I throw my arms around her shoulder, ice cream cone still in hand which unfortunately goes into her nice thick hair, but she doesn't seem to notice, and instead shakes, wraps her arms around me and starts crying softly into my shoulder. We cling to each other for a moment, keeping each other from really falling apart, and cry ourselves dry. Despite the circumstances, I can't help but ponder. How long is a moment?

"What are we going to do?" I croak after a while, I'm not sure how long. "I don't know Amber." She replies weakly. I pull back, arms aching, eyes aching and the scratches and bruises from the fire throb aggravatingly. I glare at the puddle of melted ice cream. Trying to think furiously, boosting my optimism. Katy's not going to die. People wake up. Survive cancer and come back to life. Katy is strong, and if we can pull through, she can too. I square my shoulders, and look at Kayla. Really look at her. Her eyes look vacant, and she sags against the bench, ice cream (which happens to look exceedingly sad despite ice cream being the polar opposite to it) forgotten with some cone in her hair. She looks so forlorn. The damage is bad, but not unfixable. Suddenly I catch sight of a very large piece of cone and I resist the hysterical laughter bubbling in my chest. Stop it. Pull yourself together Amber. Kayla needs you, Esther needs you, you need you. Thinking of Esther sends an immediate pang of guilt and melancholy in my chest, like an elephant has decided to sit on it- A sumo elephant with actual sumo pants- it physically knocks some breathe out of me. I pity myself some more, not realising where I'm going until it's too late. I did this to Esther. She's already had a bad past, you can tell every time she winces at the smallest things, the tautness of her pretty face, especially the down turned corners of her mouth that should quirk up- stop it! Your spiralling into pessimism again. I glance at Kayla again who stares into space as the sun sets to the left of us, casting a sunburnt glow over her saddened face. She hasn't noticed me trying to gather my wits. Good. I clear my throat awkwardly. I don't remember the last time I felt awkward with Kayla. "Come on, let's go home." I say, covering how how proud I feel that my voice has only broken once in that sentence. She nods slightly, I grab her arm and guide us towards the bus station. Her arm feels light, almost hollow like the rest of her must feel after crying. She's cried herself dry and now there's only a shell left. We stand there, along with some old biddies and watch as the red double decker comes trundling along to a stop. I ready my money for both of us, glancing at Kayla who's seemed to be beginning her recovery, and catch our reflections in the window. I almost gasp and end up choking, Kayla pats me on the back gently. A small smile playing along her lips. My eyes water and I point to the window. Kayla looks and gives a short laugh which gets stifled by the back of her hand. We look ghastly. Hair scruffy, and in my case flying around my face in the wind. Eyes smudged by running mascara. A plaster on my forehead that's starting to come off, also flapping in the wind. Faces not only streaked with mascara and tears, but also dirt and ash. A giggle bubbles in the base of my throat and I let it, setting Kayla off again, and we laugh harder, at the expressions of peoples' faces as they board the bus. Gasping like fish, we step onto the bus together, collapsing on to seats and clutching cramped stomachs. As the bus jolts forwards, I finally calm down and stare out the window. It's twilight now, and I can just about see the stars, somehow triggering a thought: Oh how I hate that dam that spills everything inside you out. It always takes ages to fix, leaving you unable to lie, and cry or laugh at every little thing for a few days. Someone needs to build a better bridge. Preferable one made of iron, enforced by magical unicorn poop to keep it from breaking apart. Kayla blinks tiredly, and I can see her eyes drooping, I take the moment to say something. "Kayla, you know I love you, and you love me," I wait half a second, watching her heavy eyelids. "Well, I got ice cream, and some cone in your hair." I turn and smile out the window, grinning at the moon until I hear Kayla start to snore softly. The length of a moment huh?