greetings.
i'd like to mention that some of the earlier one shots were written back when i was young. some date back to 4 or 3 years ago so do not mind how absolutely terrible and cringy they are. my english is,,, uhhh let's say not the best smh so...
this is an edit, i got a message from wattpad saying it was listed as suicidal even tho this doesn't talk about that topic once. the cover image used to be a picture of Karma with a gun which got listed as self harm.
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please not that I DO NOT PROMOTE eating disorders! you are all beautiful people and you shouldn't want to change yourself for society's messed up standards! this story is just meant to talk about the issue and show what it's like to struggle through this. if you also go through the same issues please please seek help! i love every one of you guys
(Y/N)'s POV:
i hate mirrors. yet, even so, i find myself staring at one for hours upon hours a day. why is that?
people walk into a bathroom to look in the mirror, expecting to find those small insecurities. we spending hours looking for imperfections so we can add those to the list of why we're not perfect. but, we always miss the big picture. we don't look in the mirror and see ourselves as a whole.
society says that everyone is beautiful. that you should love yourself no matter what. whether you're skinny, or a bit heavier. whether you're a boy, girl, or somewhere in between. whether you like boys, girls, both, all, or none. whether you have dark hair, or light hair. dark skin, or light. love yourself. you're beautiful with a kind soul. someone loves you and cares for you, even if it doesn't feel that way.
so how come, i know all this... yet i still hate myself? i know i'm not the ugliest person out there, but i'm not pretty. when you ask someone, "who's the prettiest person in class or who's the prettiest person in our school?" my name is never called.
looking at myself in the mirror again. why am i crying? it's useless. as babies, we did it for attention. as kids, we did it to make our parents feel bad or we hit our ankle bones against a razor scooter. but as teenagers, we cry in the showers, in front of mirrors, in the school bathrooms, actually anywhere in school, but especially in our beds. we cry in our beds when we can't sleep. we cry until we physically have nothing left to cry. we cry until we can't remember why it started in the first place.
we cry so silently so no one can hear.
i've never really wanted to have kids. it sounds painful, and a waste of time. your percentage of sleep you get goes down 59% every time you have a child. i'd be a bad mom too. i can't even care for myself, what makes me think i could care for another? to give my life meaning? i don't care. i've never even liked kids that much.
however, if i did have a kid when i get older, i pray they wouldn't end up like me. imagining my child in their bedrooms at nighttime, crying themselves to sleep hurts.
