Deep In My Skin

Kabanata I

KABANATA I
Feel my pain

"Don't cry over that stupid guy."

Nakatalukbong ako ng kumot at nakadapa sa kama habang humahagulgol ng iyak. I just can't stop crying, it hurts so much. I want the pain to stop but I don't know how.

"I—I loved him Ate.."

"And I don't care. Break na kayo so stop that and come outside." I heard her stern voice.

I sobbed. "I want to stay here."

"Gosh! You look pathetic baby girl, it's been a week and you're still like this!" I can hear frustration in her voice. "Pinagbigyan kita na magluksa ng ilang araw pero hindi pwede na ganyan kanalang. So whether you like it or not you'll go out and eat with us."

"I don't know what to do Ate.." I bit my lower lip. Niyakap ko ng mahigpit ang unan sa tabi. Our memories together keeps flashing back in my mind.

Ganito pala talaga kahirap mag move on. I was really attached to him.

She sighed heavily. "I know it's hard. Kaya nga mas mabuti na hindi ka magkulong dito sa kwarto, lalo kalang malulungkot." ramdam kong bumigat ang isang side ng kama. "I want you to fight your emotions, be strong. You love him but do you think he deserves your tears? He left you without any reasons at all."

"That's harsh sis." rinig kong nagsalita si Orean. "But facts only." dagdag niya.

I wiped the tears on my cheeks before removing the blanket from my head. I saw Orean resting her back on the door while Ate Sara is sitting beside me. The sun is up already, shining light from my window. If this was just my normal day I'll be waking up with a smile on my face, looking forward to see my boyfriend. Just being the productive girl I am. But obviously, today isn't.

"Eva, makakahanap ka pa ng ibang lalaki. Don't settle for less. Walang bayag 'yon, sinong matino ang makikipag break up sa text?" Orean rolled her eyes.

I'm sure my eyes are puffy and sore from all the crying. I sighed heavily, hoping the pain will go with it.

Ate Sara gave me a soft smile. "We'll wait for you downstairs okay?"

I just nodded at her. Tumayo naman siya at hinila palabas si Orean.

After they left, my room is defeaning in silence. I stopped myself from crying and reminiscing again, maybe this is the time that I should get over it and stop over thinking. Hindi naman siya babalik kakaiyak ko at lalong hindi ko na tatanggapin ang nang iwan sakin.

I deserve better and he deserves the pain.

Naabutan ko ang mga kapatid ko na nakaupo sa dining area. Nakangiti sakin si Ate Sara nang makita ako. Ngayon nalang ulit ako sasabay sakanila dahil nung mga nakaraang araw ay kumakain lang ako pagkayari nila. Ayokong makita nila ako sa ganong kalagayan. As much as I want to be okay, I just can't that time. It was too fresh.

Tahimik akong umupo sa tabi ni Orean. Tinaasan niya lang ako ng dalawang kilay. Sa aming magkakapatid, si Orean ang hindi affectionate but she can still make me feel her love and care in her own way.

"Kumpleto na pala ang mga dalaga ko." ngiti ni Mama paglabas ng kusina at binaba sa lamesa ang ulam.

"Napalabas na namin si Eva sa lungga niya." tawa ni Orean. "Ang dumi na ng kwarto niyan, yung unan may sipon na!"

"Ma si Orean nga oh." I pouted my lips.

Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mata. "Wala kang galang mas matanda ako sayo!"