Luxsoka One-Shots

fight or flight

He it wasn't her fault; the way she lost hold and let her fall to the ground with a crunch.

It wasn't her fault at all.

But whatever his emotions were, they were being pulled like saltwater taffy. Tearing the fabric of his subconscious into twofold.

One part of his brain wanted so desperately to shift the blame onto her and never move on; while the other begged to fulfill a promise made months prior, to stay with her like he told himself he would back on the icy planet.

But his torn mentality made things much more arduous. He was being split—one way had grief and heartache, and the other had gratification and passion.

Which path did he wish to follow, though? No matter which divvy in the road he chose, none of which could let him truly follow the one he wanted to be with; neither side would permit that. 

His mind was a saboteur to his own choices.

He watched as she refused to eat; refused to sleep for the sheer amount of guilt bestowed upon her shoulders. He watched at she cried harder than he. Watched as she refused any treatment for her wound. She was a Jedi, and Jedi weren't supposed to feel pain, she claimed. He wanted to comfort her culpability she held on tightly as though it were the hand of a child in need of protecting, but he couldn't bring himself to. She thought he hated her and he didn't want to make it more apparent.

Truth was far beyond that, actually. He didn't hate her nor did he have any sort of negative affiliations toward her. She was still that attractive, spunky woman he'd met—well, her spunk was much more lacking since the incident, and it did make him a tad bit worrisome as her usual flair had just disappeared into thin air.

But the fact remained that he had two people who won over his heart with one was dead and one who was deep inside a hole of depression for an act that was purely accidental. 

He didn't want to forget either. But staying with one felt like a major betrayal to the other.

Lux Bonteri didn't know what to do.

He needed to be comforted out of his own somber mood while Ahsoka and Saw as well as everybody else needed to be, too. His life had been on a hill only spiraling downwards with the occasional and short moments where it plateaued but then dropped again. And this was one of the many times where it just would not stop falling down the deep decline.

Mother told him constantly that even when things were worse for wear, it would always get better. That sometimes you just need to be challenged in life but through great resilience you would be happy again. Well, Lux never found that true. The good points in his life were perpetually outweighed by the bad. He was a scale that just tipped too far to one side and couldn't find its balance again.

It would be a lie if he said that he didn't sit on his bed and release the waterworks. It would be a lie if he said his feelings produced inner turmoil and confusion. It would be a lie to say that Ahsoka couldn't help him; that he didn't need her.

But everything nowadays seem to just be a lie.

A horrible, bitter lie that just keeps strutting farther from the truth.

The pressure of failure and disgrace she felt was unbearable. She caused the death of such a bright woman with hammering determination and a strong-willed disposition. Steela Gerrera was a natural-born leader with the prowess to sway people into their cause. And as jealous as that made Ahsoka, she looked up to that woman, and honestly strived to be like her. But letting Steela fall was the worst second of her life.

If only she was quicker, more attuned to the Force. Maybe if she had just used more of her power of the Force than she did, Steela wouldn't be six feet under.

But maybe they should've let Ahsoka fall instead. It would've been better if they'd buried her, anyways. Sure, Anakin and the five-oh-first would be devastated, but they'd get over it. It was war, after all, and fatality was the number-one side effect. Besides, duty always came first even in wartime.

When Anakin had returned and noticed the bullet hole on her shoulder, he immediately tried to bacta-patch it. But when she'd explained she decided to leave it untreated to remind her of her failure as a Jedi, he dropped the subject right then and there. "You're not a failure, Snips," he tried to reassure her what he truly thought of his little sister.

"Yes, I am," she snapped. And I always will be.

When Lux greeted her before she went on the Twilight to return home, her stomach sank to her knees. She figured he was going to yell at her for being so insolent and letting that incident happen, but she was more surprised when he threw himself around her in an embrace. "It's not your fault. I forgive you," he whispered. "Please call me when you need me."

And she wanted to believe that was true; that he'd really be there for her. But she couldn't be the burden on him, and she certainly didn't want communication from him out of pity. Even so, she nodded as she hugged him back, careful in trying not to let a sob escape from her dehydrated lips. And in that moment, as she reveled in the touch of this boy like she did on that icy, murderous planet, she knew that he would always be there for her,

no matter how much pain he caused him.

hey! another update!

sorry that was a little sad but i felt like writing something sad today

anyway, i'm planning on updating Stars Can't Shine Without Darkness tomorrow, and i'm pretty sure you're gonna love what's coming

anyway

be safe

have fun

eat chips

and watch some good ol' dance moms to fulfill your dramatic needs