Au in which Niall escapes from the city, leaving his ten year music career behind. The western coast of Ireland seemed like the best idea he's ever had. Enter Julianna, the oversharing, overbearing neighbor who will not stop until Niall confesses hi...
Warnings: angst which may be triggering for those with anxiety and smut. NO READERS UNDER 18!
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New York welcomed Julianna warmly. There must have been hundreds of faces smiling back at her. They laughed and clapped and offered her the silence she wanted. Julianna felt almost overwhelmed by it. To be in her home town, spilling her guts like this.
Julianna thought she was a good story teller but this time she tried to be truthful. So when Julianna stood onstage, she felt the need to be honest. Even brutally so. She admitted that she was having a hard time reading poems from the second half of the book. She wanted to give a good performance and she knew the second half was the better half.
Julianna gave it her heart, pouring it out for whoever was listening. Maybe she was just a bit misty to be at home, or maybe she just hadn't recovered from the night before.
When she stepped off stage, she had a hard time catching her breath. Margaret handed her a bottle of water, rubbing her back.
Julianna squeezed her eyes shut, kneeling down. "How do you make this go away?" Julianna asked, chest heaving. "This pain. The ache that I feel everywhere. How do I make it go away?"
"You talk to him," Margaret urged, brushing the hair from her shoulder. "Your body is telling you everything you need to know. There's a reason you can't catch your breath. That you ache. There's someone missing from you."
"I don't know how," Julianna cried. "I am angry and sad and I miss him and I hate him and I miss him so fucking much."
"Stay right here," Margaret told her. "I'll be right back."
Julianna couldn't get off the floor even if she wanted to. She pinched her eyes shut, tugging at her hair. She counted her breaths, inhaling and exhaling. She pressed her fingertips together.
Julianna didn't have to look up to know it was him, towering over her. Margaret walked away, shooing the stage crew out. Julianna felt like she'd cry.
"Jules," Niall whispered, kneeling down beside her. He reached a hand out, tentatively smoothing her hair out. "Calm down," he murmured.
"I can't calm down," Julianna cried, leaning over as a fresh set of tears rolled down her face. "I can't calm down because I want to scream and I want to yell and I want to punch you for making me feel like this."
"Scream at me," Niall begged. "Yell. Hit me. Kick me. I- fuck-" he cut off with a breath. "I deserve it."
"Stop it," Julianna shook her head. "The self-deprecating thing won't work on me."
"It's not self-deprecating," Niall shook his head. "Would ya just look at me?"
Julianna looked up at him, blinking the tears from her eyes. "I fucked up. I did the wrong thing. If I told you I loved you, you would've stayed. I had to make you leave there was no other way and you can get mad but it's the truth. You know there was no way you'd leave if-if you knew I loved you."
