Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 19

Please comment and vote<3 Also please listen to this song. Before, during or after this chapter. 

I take a deep breath and pull my hair out of the blanket, letting it fall around me as I waiting for him to find his words.

"I don't know where to start." He says and I let out a soft laugh, leaning my head down and rest my forehead against his shoulder.

Just waiting, pausing, gaining composure.

I sit back up and move a little away from him and he finally turns and sits so his legs are crossed like mine, facing me.

"How are you?" Jackson asks and my face scrunches up in confusion.

"I'm ok, good even."

"No in more detail. How are you doing with everything?"

I sigh and then nod. Telling him how my mental health and recovery from what Layton did to me was going.

"Healing from what Layton did was messy Jackson." I say and his fists clench at Layton's name.

"And I'm I don't think I'm ever going to fully recover, but I've learnt that that's ok." I nod to him.

"Because even when I think I'm over it, that I'm ok, I get a bad day and it hits me all over again. But I now know it's ok to fall apart even if I thought I had it all under control. There's no time line to healing." I say and he looks up at me.

But I continue.

"I still go to therapy, I'm back with Dr Halpin actually and I go to group with Lucy. I still get the nightmares and the bouts of anxiety but they're a lot more manageable. And before um Sunday, I hadn't had a proper flash back well since I first got here I guess. If we're not counting dreams."

"So, you're coping?" He asks and my eyes lift up from my hands and find his own.

I loved how he would always make eye contact, as if our eyes were drawn together and that it was actually more unnatural to pull them away.

"I just, as bad as it was, with all the nightmares, with all the flashbacks and nights of panic, I learnt so much about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive."

"You could survive anything." Jackson says and my heart clenches at his words. He looks almost annoyed at himself though, for commenting.

It's always as If there's a battle inside him.

"Apart from losing you." I say and his eyes immediately fall from my face. He knows what I mean, and he looks so distraught that I was thinking that way. That I was aware of his darker thoughts.

"You already lost me." Jackson says and I just nod at him.

"I meant forever."

"Ivy." He says coldly and I make a note to just keep it about me, that as I was talking before, he was relaxing, but now he is tense and cold again.

"Next question."

"Why did you ring me? How did you know it was particularly bad tonight?"

His words hurt me, and I wonder if my body did actually unconsciously know somehow that he wasn't ok.

"I didn't, not really. I've been thinking about you all day. Don't let that freak you out. I couldn't sleep because for some reason every time I thought about you I was filled with this intense worry and I just decided I might as well ring you."

He listens to my words but moves on quickly, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Why..." He starts and looks up at me, I'm sat here, my body language as open as it possibly could be, I needed him to trust me.