Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 34

 "Ivy." Jayden's voice makes my head snap up and I look at him wide eyed in regards to his serious tone.

"Yeah?" I say hesitantly and look around at my friend's amused faces.

We were all at Stars. Like all of us. Everyone had been really busy this week so nobody had arranged to see each other. Which was lucky for me, for one, I had exams, and two, I hadn't had to see Jackson all week.

The night of the gala was Friday, and now it's the following Thursday. And we were all sat in a big booth, like a circular corner one, and I was sandwiched securely between Nora and Lucy.

"I said, will you come to the game? It's our last one and I know it would mean a lot to all of us if you came." Jay asks and I look around the table, my face heating slightly as everyone eyes are trained on me.

"Oh. When? Tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Sure then." I send them a smile and then sit back minding my own business.

I meet Jackson's gaze and I knew I had to apologise to him. But what the fuck was I supposed to say, that when I woke up I realised that I didn't just love him, but like I was in love with him, and then my brain exploded and I couldn't feel anything.

I wasn't even surprised when his eyes were a little icy. They warmed when I made contact, but only slightly. And it quickly made me look away.

I am stronger than this. I just, I feel so awkward.

I knew we were throwing off weird vibes, that the week before Jackson and I had been absolutely fine, so friendly actually. But now it was silent. Both of us, trying not to look at the other, trying not to draw attention to it.

The small glances, both of us being uncharacteristically quiet, created this tension. Our friends kept bringing me into the conversation and they kept bringing Jackson into the conversation too, but as much as we both tried, we would always fall quiet again.

The tension was thick. It wasn't even fun tension. It actually felt pretty shitty, sad even.

How many times am I going to have to miss him?

Because I'm sure nobodies surprised that I do. Miss him.

Two weeks ago, I was leaving his house after spending every day with him. In his bed, wrapped up in him, one week ago, we had spent so much time together, albeit distant, but it was at least friendly.

This week we could hardly look at each other and it was killing me.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I freeze when I see it's a text from Jackson. He's literally sat a few people away from me, he wasn't even looking at me or his phone.

I swipe the message nervously and reads its contents.

Jackson: I miss your smile. I am sorry if I was the one to make it disappear

Fuck.

He thinks he did something wrong.

Well of course he did, you were so cold last time you spoke.

I look up again and meet his gaze, his face is straight but his eyes are bearing into mine in a low burning confusion. And I just decide to reply.

We never fucking text but ok.

May as well.

Ivy: Not because of you, because I am a 'lunatic'. I'm sorry for how I was on Saturday. I was all over the place.

I reply, using the word he called me in the elevator. Which I watch his lips tug up at as he reads it.

Jackson: Are you ready to talk about it?