Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 20

*This is shorter but i like this chapter- also after the next chapter we have some heavy ones coming so the next one is going to be a light one so we all dont get too depressed lmao.*

When I woke up, it very strange to feel Jackson's arms around me, it was very strange to be tucked so tightly against his chest, our legs tangled and his head rested on top of mine.

I knew it was too much, that although the way Jackson broke down last night was exactly what he needed at the time, my heart felt as if it was clinging onto his broken one again and I don't think my glue was set enough for my own to carry the weight of his.

Not if this meant waking up in his arms, encased in him and overwhelmed with affection for a boy that I had promised myself I'd move on from.

Shit.

My breathing picks up as I start to panic slightly at how I needed space and he was literally connected to me in every way shape or form possible, even our fingers were laced together.

It panicked me that even though every inch of my body was telling me to get up, to pull away and put a lid on everything I was feeling. If it meant waking him, then I couldn't. Because once he woke up, I knew he'd pull away again, he was going to feel exposed and vulnerable. Everything that stressed him out.

I feel him stir against me and he sort of pulls me upwards, holding me tighter against his body until he realises what he's doing and who he's pulling against him.

His eyes flicker open and I lean my head back so I could catch his eye. So, I could stop him freaking out before he automatically heads down that path.

"Jackson, it's fine. You're fine. And it's fine that we slept like this last night. I'm going to get up." I whisper and his eyes are swirling but he doesn't say anything. Just listens to me and then moves his arms so I can untangle myself from him.

Sitting up sleepily, I can't help but shiver at the coldness of the early morning. Checking my phone, it was already ten in the morning and I ignored the group messages and sent a reply to Cole, saying that I couldn't face time until later.

Sometimes at school during lunch they would phone me, Cole and his friends.

I didn't know if Jackson would kick me out by then, but I didn't feel up to it anyway.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep." Were Jackson's first words of the day as he slowly sat up next to me. I didn't reply, I just wrapped our blanket around my shoulders and stand up moving over to the kitchen, turning the kettle on and gripping the side as I knew that his words this morning are probably going to hurt me.

But I can deal with it. I think I can.

"Um I think you should go." He says so quietly that it was easy to believe I didn't hear, so I just ignore him.

"You want tea?" I ask and bring out two mugs.

"No. I'm going to go smoke." He says and I just keep my back turned as he grabs them off the counter and leaves me alone in the kitchen.

I can't help it I sigh in relief; the tension was so thick this morning I could almost see it as a protective barrier around him. I wait for the kettle to boil and I grip the kitchen counter as bend my back and lean my head against the cool marble counter.

Last night was a lot.

I stand back up and take a deep breath, sort of regaining composure and reassurance that I was fine.

I make Jackson a cup of tea anyway and bring it out to him. Because what else was I supposed to do. It was still pretty crisp outside, but the sun was edging nearer and nearer to being directly above us and I just sighed in content when I took a seat at the garden table, opposite where Jackson was stood smoking.