Save Lives // Derek Shepherd

CH. 6

If Tomorrow Never Comes

"A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow," he said, "which you can do today." This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes, the fear is just of making a decision. Because, what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor."

I laid in bed starring at the ceiling thinking about nothing in particular. My alarm clock started going off and I sighed hitting it with my hand. I continued to lay there not ready to get up before my alarm clock went off again. I sighed again before pressing snooze. I was going to be late today, but I didn't really care all too much. I got to work late and stood by the side of my car packing my belonging into my purse. I stood up straight and closed the door before turning to see Derek getting out of his car beside me. 

"Hey." I started, walking to the front of our cars. Derek met me halfway and gave me a smile. 

"Hey." He replied. "You're later than usual?" Derek continued. I looked at my watch and nodded. 

"Yeah, I really didn't want to come in today, but here I am." I explained. He nodded before lifting his hand as if to say, 'after you'. We walked side by side along the front of the hospital towards the entrance. "About the other night..." I started, turning my head towards him. "This is complicated, you aren't divorced, I feel like the mistress and Addison is still my friend." I said softly.

Derek paused and turned towards me as well. "I don't want this to be complicated and you are far from a mistress." Derek said and I sighed. "If I was a better guy, I'd walk away. Tell you we can only stay as friends" Derek said with a smirk. I chuckled.

"Yes, you would." I said although I didn't mean it. I didn't want him to walk away. Not now.

"Do you want me to be a better guy?" Derek asked and I sighed as we reached the elevator and Derek presses the button before turning to me.

"Yes. No. Crap. I'm late." I said before turning and walking away to run up the stairs.

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"Good morning." I said walking into Miss Connor's room with Dr. Burke.

"Annie, this is Dr. Burke and Dr. Grey. Awesome surgeons." Karev said to Annie. I smiled and glanced at Bailey; she gave a shrug at Karev's behavior.

"Dr. Karev." Bailey said and Alex nodded.

"Annie Connors is a 43-year-old women who presented last night with progressive shortness of breath the last three months. Found to have a very large tumor of unknown origin pressed against her diaphragm. Stable vital signs. Scheduled for CT this morning, sir." Karev finished and Burke and I nodded.

"Thank you, Dr. Karev." I spoke.

"Are you at all claustrophobic?" Burke asked the patient so that we could take her for that CT.

"I've been housebound for the last year. How claustrophobic could I be?" Annie replied before glancing up at Alex. I raised my eyebrows at this exchange.

"All right, then." Burke said I nodded.

"Dr. Stevens is going to take you up for a CT. It'll give us a better look at the tumor, and we'll know how to proceed." I informed her and Izzy glanced up from the patient and looked at me. I smiled.