Save Lives // Derek Shepherd

CH. 13

Deny, Deny, Deny

"The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much that, after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth, right in front of our faces."

"When I left, Christina said she was ok." George said as we all sat in Joe's bar drinking.

"Nobody goes through what she did and is totally over it by now." Izzy said swirling her drink around.

"Christina can." George added.

"She's fine." Meredith said.

"Too fine. She's cold." Izzy nodded.

"No, she's hardcore. She's got ice in her veins. She does what she has to do to get through." George mentioned picking up his drink and sipping at it.

"She lost a baby. She lost a Fallopian tube. She acts like she doesn't care. She's all 'hello, I'm totally fine.' Person. She's my friend too but she's acting like she has no emotions or warmth, like she's missing a soul." Izzy explained and I raised my eye brows at her. People deal in different ways.

"God, She's gonna make a great surgeon." George mumbled I slapped his shoulder.

"George." I said sternly.

"It's true. You show no weakness, you make it to the top." George explained.

"Some people just keep their feelings to themselves." Meredith said and I nodded before turning my head to see Derek walk in. I followed him with my eyes leaning forwards slightly so he wouldn't notice me before he went and sat by Bailey.

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The next day, I walked into Kull-punnah's room and smiled at everyone before standing by Izzy.

"She presents with multiple sun opal episodes and ventricular arrhythmias." Izzy said and I nodded.

"So you're been passing out?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yeah and having palpitations." Kull-punnah said.

"Past history of rheumatic heart disease with mitral valve stenosis." Izzy continued.

"They had to ship me from Zambia to the states for three months of treatment when I was eight. Rheumatic fever almost killed me." Kull-punnah said with a look and I raised my eye brows looking towards Izzy.

"Dr. Stevens. What are the primary causes of ventricular arrhythmias?" I asked and Izzy started going through the chart thinking of the answer and went to speak but someone beat her too it.

"Valvular disease, mitral valve prolapses, stimulants, drugs, and metabolic abnormalities." We all turned to see Christina at the door hold her IV stand. I chuckled. "What?" Christina asked and I shook my head.

"Out." Bailey stated and Christina sighed.

"I'm fine." Christina said and I scoffed.

"Out! You better be in your room by the time we round on you." Bailey said.

"And when will that be?" Christina asked.

"In fifteen seconds. Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven..." Bailey started counting down and Christina turned around showing us her backside.

"Nice panties, Yang." Alex said causing us all the giggle. Christina turned around and glared at Alex.

"In your dreams, evil spawn." Christina said before walking away. We finished rounding on my patient and I walked away. I waked past the elevator and Derek grabbed my arm turning me around.